“It’s so messed up of me to be rude to you right now. Let’s not talk about my brother tonight? I’m sorry. We’ve . . . well, you’ve been through a lot. I’m really sorry for the way I responded. I know you’re coming from a good place,” I reassured Kael, reaching for his hand to calm me. I hesitated with my hand hovering above his, tempted but timid. His fingers reached up, wrapping around mine. They were warm and familiar, threaded through mine, and I felt grounded again. I didn’t know if he would let go or not, but if he did, I would respect that and not touch him again. He didn’t, though; he rearranged our fingers so he would drive safely, but he didn’t let go.

“I’m sorry for all of this. Really sorry. I can’t believe what just happened. You must be traumatized.”

“Enough saying sorry. I’m used to trauma.” He relied on humor to soften hard things, and it worked.

“I’m serious. You did nothing wrong. By standing up for my brother, you got forced into a shitty and dangerous situation. It’s so fucked up how they have a little bit of power and they abuse it. We should have stayed at dinner and let Austin figure it out. You didn’t have to rescue him.”

“That’s my job. Literally. To protect the freedom of civilians.” He smiled. He was being sarcastic, but his words were still somewhat true. The irony wasn’t lost on me.

“Do you really think that’s what you’re doing? In the Army?” I hesitated to ask, afraid that my words would come off as insulting. I didn’t mean them that way, and I knew how sensitive a topic this could be for him. If he didn’t respond, I would change the subject and not pressure him. But if he did, I’d be grateful for the insight into his beliefs.

He didn’t answer right away, so I counted my breaths while he turned the truck on and blasted the heat. It was so loud and blew cold air that hadn’t warmed up yet.

“I can’t speak for every single service member, but I know that I try to do what’s right, with good intentions. When you put enough humans in the same place, there are going to be some bad ones. But in my case, I never went out of my way to hurt anyone, I never abused my power like some do.” The look on his face was one of a lost boy. A soldier away from war, but still not at home.

Nothing I could say would match the gravity of what he was saying. A simple Thank you for your service wouldn’t do.

“And you’re still willing to die for the cause?” I asked.