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Chapters (51)
  1. Introduction by Michael Bronski
  2. BEGINNING
  3. II
  4. III
  5. IV
  6. V
  7. VI
  8. VII
  9. VIII
  10. IX
  11. X
  12. XI
  13. XII
  14. XIII
  15. MIDDLE
  16. II
  17. III
  18. IV
  19. V
  20. VI
  21. VII
  22. VIII
  23. IX
  24. X
  25. XI
  26. XII
  27. XIII
  28. XIV
  29. XV
  30. XVI
  31. XVII
  32. XVIII
  33. XIX
  34. XX
  35. END
  36. II
  37. III
  38. IV
  39. V
  40. VI
  41. VII
  42. VIII
  43. IX
  44. X
  45. XI
  46. XII
  47. XIII
  48. XIV
  49. XV
  50. XVI
  51. About the Author

Much as she had loved him, she hated her husband now for letting her go off by herself. If he had had the slightest feeling for her, the slightest understanding of her despair, he would not have stayed on, alone. It was outrageous to her feelings as a woman that perhaps he had lingered because of Cliff Hauman. The thought itself was intolerable, even hard to believe—in spite of all his wordy discourse on the meaninglessness of his having had Cliff’s overseas cap in his possession, like a cherished thing, an intimate keepsake, the handkerchief of a loved one.

IX

IX

Though he had twice been angered by her, John Grandin felt himself obliged, perhaps out of a sense of duty, to discuss Billie as objectively as possible. He and Cliff lay in the shade of the sun umbrella, and they were as much alone together as if they had been on a desert island. Grandin was keenly aware of the intimacy, but for the time being he tried to put it from his mind.

“It’s none of my business, Cliff,” he said, “but there’s something I’ve noticed.”

“What’s that, Johnnie?”

“Well, Billie doesn’t seem to realize the seriousness of what’s ahead for you—or for her. It’s your responsibility to make her realize it.”

Cliff gazed unhappily over the water. “Billie and I—” he said—“we can’t talk about these things, that’s what’s the matter. When I try to, she almost acts like she doesn’t know what the heck I’m talking about. Gosh, I don’t like speaking this way behind her back, but it’s the truth.”

“You must remember, Cliff, your experiences have been different from hers. There is no way for Billie to grasp them.”

“But she doesn’t even take the war seriously, do you know it? I mean Billie doesn’t seem to know what’s going on. When I talk about the war—”

“She feels left out. It’s something she has had no part in. You’ve been away, living an exciting life of your own, and maybe you’re even going back to it.”

“You’re darn right I am, but she acts like she doesn’t believe me at all.”

“She believes you, Cliff. Only—”

“Only what?”

“Perhaps she’d rather not believe. Billie doesn’t want to hear about it. Like many people, she’d rather not know. When something doesn’t fit into their scheme of things, they simply pretend it isn’t so.”

“That’s it! That’s just it, Johnnie,” he said emphatically, astonished that someone else could express for him what he himself hadn’t been able to put into words. “She’d rather not know—Billie doesn’t want to know . . .”