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Back The Fall of Valor Save as PDF
Chapters (51)
  1. Introduction by Michael Bronski
  2. BEGINNING
  3. II
  4. III
  5. IV
  6. V
  7. VI
  8. VII
  9. VIII
  10. IX
  11. X
  12. XI
  13. XII
  14. XIII
  15. MIDDLE
  16. II
  17. III
  18. IV
  19. V
  20. VI
  21. VII
  22. VIII
  23. IX
  24. X
  25. XI
  26. XII
  27. XIII
  28. XIV
  29. XV
  30. XVI
  31. XVII
  32. XVIII
  33. XIX
  34. XX
  35. END
  36. II
  37. III
  38. IV
  39. V
  40. VI
  41. VII
  42. VIII
  43. IX
  44. X
  45. XI
  46. XII
  47. XIII
  48. XIV
  49. XV
  50. XVI
  51. About the Author

“I didn’t mean Cliff, I was thinking of you. With the right man, love and love-­making become all one, after a while.”

“But he becomes such a stranger to me! He just plows ahead like I was—dirt. . . .”

“Maybe he’ll always be a stranger to you. That sometimes happens. Men and women aren’t alike. They never can be.”

“Tell me,” Billie said, “is Mr. Grandin a good husband?”

Ethel drew a pack of Camels from her pocket. “Toss me those matches on the night table, will you please? Thanks.” She lighted her cigarette. “It takes an awful lot of love, Billie, to keep a marriage going. An awful lot, all you’ve got. That’s something you’ll have to remember—for years.”

Billie gazed absently about the room. Then she said: “Which bed is yours, Mrs. Grandin?”

“By the window.”

“Why do you have twin beds?”

“We always have had.”

“Even at the beginning? Even the first few months?”

“I’m afraid I don’t remember. . . .”

“But that’s awful.”

“Awful? I don’t think so. We don’t love each other any less for”—it was hard to say it—“for sleeping alone.”

“But if you have a quarrel or anything, sleeping in the same bed makes it just that much easier to get together again.”

“There are other ways,” Ethel said, and heard the awful ambiguity.

“I want to be with Cliff all night long. Or I will want to when he calms down. I just love lying beside him. It’s beautiful then, and I feel wonderful. You know?”

Ethel Grandin could not reply.

“You’ve really been married ten years?” Billie asked.

“Does that seem so long? If you’re in love, it isn’t long enough.”

“I suppose it gets easier,” Billie said. “I guess the first few weeks are difficult for any girl. Were they with you? Did you find him hard to get used to at first?”

Much as she would have liked to help Billie, Ethel Grandin could say nothing. She remembered things she could never have spoken of in the wide world.

“I’m sorry,” Billie said. “Excuse me if you mind this. I’ve—I only want something to hang onto.”

“Hang onto your love. You did say you loved him?”

“Cliff? How could I help it!” She sighed with a real impatience. “Here they come now, I hear them in the hall,” she announced. “About time, too. Who do they think we are, I’d like to know. . . .”

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