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Chapters (51)
  1. Introduction by Michael Bronski
  2. BEGINNING
  3. II
  4. III
  5. IV
  6. V
  7. VI
  8. VII
  9. VIII
  10. IX
  11. X
  12. XI
  13. XII
  14. XIII
  15. MIDDLE
  16. II
  17. III
  18. IV
  19. V
  20. VI
  21. VII
  22. VIII
  23. IX
  24. X
  25. XI
  26. XII
  27. XIII
  28. XIV
  29. XV
  30. XVI
  31. XVII
  32. XVIII
  33. XIX
  34. XX
  35. END
  36. II
  37. III
  38. IV
  39. V
  40. VI
  41. VII
  42. VIII
  43. IX
  44. X
  45. XI
  46. XII
  47. XIII
  48. XIV
  49. XV
  50. XVI
  51. About the Author

He was rebuked; yet the prying inquisitiveness remained. He could not say why he felt such a consuming curiosity about Cliff Hauman, a curiosity about so many different things relating to him. He thought he had detected in Hauman’s playful attentiveness to Billie, his frolicking with her as though she were the world’s ideal playmate, a suppressed impatience; and he wondered what was the cause of it or even if it were true. When Hauman had asked if he was happily married and then said he was referring to “somebody else’s marriage,” he had not been very subtle. Perhaps for the first time in his life he had made the discovery that the future was something to think of, a looming prospect soon to become an actuality. Had he begun to regard himself as a husband—did he like the idea, or not like it? Or was the reverse of this true: was he beginning to think that his date with Billie was lasting a little too long? For it was as a “date” that he seemed to consider their holiday and honeymoon, a date that would soon be over, enabling him to get back to the fellows. When he did get back he would tell them all about it, though revealing none of those details which most counted—which John Grandin, for example, would most like to have known: which, indeed, he felt an increasing, a dangerous desire to ask about. These Hauman would not relate, because, as his buddies well knew, love was the same everywhere and women all alike.

Love—or how to take care of oneself in love—Hauman understood. (“Don’t worry about it, John, it’s all taken care of.”) Grandin would not soon forget that rebuke. The reply, as well as Hauman’s attitude during the whole nervous but brief discussion, had been so matter-­of-­fact that he felt humiliated—and oddly, too, a little proud of Cliff, gratified that he had terminated the discussion then and there and so helped him out. For now he realized with a genuine shock that he had introduced the subject of contraceptives all but deviously in an unconscious hope that Hauman would talk about his sexuality. He bitterly regretted his intrusion; yet in a way, he was glad: it was a warning to him. The rebuke had been timely and welcome; from now on it was up to him to see that such a thing did not come up again.

Hauman threw the red-­cotton robe around his shoulder (it was, of course, much too small), tied the sash, picked up his towel, and turned to Grandin with a smile.

“Okay, John? Shall we go?”

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