‘And you’re a mind-numbingly boring arsehole busybody. There’s nothing of worth going on in your life so you’ve infected mine! But I don’t need you here anymore. I don’t want you here! I’ve got my own life to lead, and I can do it without you, thank you very much.’

‘So now I’ve been holding you back all this time. Well fuck you very much. I’m out of here.’

Jason storms out of the lounge. I hear him banging and rummaging in the spare room. I’m in despair. I didn’t want to hurt him, I hadn’t intended that outburst at all – yet another fuck-up caused by my damn TBI. I didn’t want it to end like this. The truth is, I’m in two minds still. I need him in my life. But not like we are. More than anything I just wish we could start over. I don’t want him to be Jason my carer, who watches over me and judges me and thinks I need my nappy changing. I want him to be my boyfriend. A lover. But I don’t know how to explain that, or how we could ever recover that even if I could – real, natural affection has been absent from our relationship for so long.

Moments later he stands in the lounge doorway, a filled holdall over his shoulder. He glares at me and I just stand there and wait for him to say something. Anything. Will it be anger, regret or sorrow that he comes at me with? Will he plead to stay?

In the end he says nothing.

‘Just go!’ I shout, when the silence becomes unbearable.

He only hesitates for a second before he turns to leave.

Chapter Forty-Eight

‘This is good, Dani,’ Scholz said.

Dani frowned. ‘Good? What the hell is good about any of this?’

She sat back in the chair, arms folded, and stared across the desk. Scholz’s cheeks flushed ever so slightly at her challenging response.

‘Rightly or wrongly, Dean Harland was killed because of actions that I took,’ she said. ‘I’ve got to live with that knowledge, but more importantly I’ve got to live with what I saw.’

‘I understand that must be difficult b—’

‘I’ve got a damn stalker who may or may not be a killer, harassing me and—’

‘I—’

‘—and until the disciplinary investigation is over, my whole life is basically in limbo. I can’t move on at all, can I? For all I know in a few days’ or weeks’ time my entire career could well be over. What on earth am I supposed to do then?’