I slam the cabinet door shut. In the mirror, I see that tears are welling in my eyes. I don’t want that. I’m too strong for that. To fight them off I let out the loudest, most powerful and angriest scream I can muster, and I don’t stop until my throat is hoarse and my brain feels like it might explode with rage.

Chapter Thirty-Five

Neither Dani nor Jason said a word as they drove the short distance back to the centre of Birmingham. When they reached Dani’s apartment block Jason parked up and they both got out. Dani didn’t even think about questioning the fact that he was coming in with her. They headed up the lift to the sixth floor and Dani opened her door and stepped into the darkness. Only then did the emotion she’d been expecting earlier feel like it was brimming somewhere inside, trapped but preparing to burst out.

She didn’t want it to. She wanted to keep it locked away as long as she could.

Jason turned on the lights and shut the door.

‘Let me fix you a drink before I go,’ he said. ‘Tea, coffee?’

‘Something stronger,’ Dani said.

‘Wine?’

‘Stronger.’

Jason looked unsure. ‘What have you got?’

‘There’s some vodka in the cupboard next to the fridge.’

‘You sure that’s what you want?’

‘No, it’s what I need. Pour yourself one too.’

‘Not really my thing. But on this occasion…’

‘Give me a minute.’

Dani headed off to the bathroom and turned on the light above the cabinet. She opened the door and stared at the pill bottles. Dr Scholz’s words from the previous morning about reducing her dosage swam in her head. Christ, had that really only been yesterday morning? It felt like a lifetime ago.

Dani grabbed one of the bottles and took two pills out, then stared at her reflection for a second. Angered at herself she snapped the cupboard door shut and dropped the pills into the sink. She had no right to take that medication tonight. No right to try to hide away from what had happened. She deserved to have it playing in her mind.

She found Jason in the kitchen, holding two tumblers. He held one out to Dani.

‘I couldn’t find any mixers, so just went with ice.’

‘Cheers,’ Dani said, taking the glass and downing it.

Jason looked a little put out. ‘I know I wasn’t there when it happened, Dani, but you need to hold it together. Getting yourself shit-faced isn’t going to help you.’

‘Are you a fucking shrink now?’ Dani snapped.