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Back The Double Save as PDF
Chapters (63)
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  63. Acknowledgements

‘Vidor. To my addled brain, the name sounded right. The next thing I remember was being on a Channel ferry chugging through the dark. I was wearing one of Vidor’s jackets and had his passport in the pocket of my jeans – Vidor’s jeans. No idea how I got them. Perhaps I went back to the Sovàny’s flat while everyone was asleep? I was sick with nausea and my head ached so badly I believed in that moment that Vidor, trapped in limbo, had managed to possess my body so he could torment my soul. That would be my penance: forced to embody his malevolent spirit, a fate I had no wish to endure.

‘Only after several days, exhausted by confusion and misery, did I realise it was my ticket to freedom. As Vidor, I could start over in a new country, shed my old self like an unwanted skin. Abandon the wretched Malik to the churning waters of the Seine. A stain on his family since birth, who would miss him?’

Malik’s mouth had gone dry, and he could scarcely speak. ‘It wasn’t until later that I discovered what a dangerous bargain I’d made. To sell one’s soul to the devil… there’s always a price isn’t there? Vidor is stronger than I am… With each passing year, more of my essence is chipped away, and it becomes harder to resist him. Only in the dark of night can I gather enough strength to assert myself, but it’s just enough to rebel in a minor way against his basest impulses.’

60

Outside the frosted windows, it had grown dark, though it was impossible to say how much time had passed. Malik seemed to have drifted through varying stages of waking and sleep. At some point, someone had wheeled in a table laden with dishes of food. He had no appetite, but nodded when Gessen offered him a plate.

‘Do you want to know what tipped me over the edge?’ Malik asked, his voice heavy with fatigue. ‘The dark fissure in my life that ultimately brought me to you, and to this particular place and time.’ The sight of the food, some kind of fish in saffron sauce, turned his stomach. He stretched out on the sofa and closed his eyes. ‘It’s a story as old as time, though not a pretty one.