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Chapters (63)
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  63. Acknowledgements

Was his ticket out simply a matter of baring his soul to Gessen and facing his fears? As for his psychic wound, did it really have something to do with his father? A man who’d abandoned his family to their fate. In his dreams, he sometimes heard the sound of a crying child. A plaintive cry woven into the wind on the days he remembered that the Earth was nothing but a ball of condensed gases, hurtling towards infinity.

‘Talk to that nice Dr Gessen.’ Hélène rooted in her bag for something, and he flinched, bracing himself, but she merely pulled out a tissue. ‘He’s not the enemy.’

42

Paris, France
April 1969

Stretched out on the bed, his philosophy book opened on his chest, he’s too dreamy and distracted by the balmy air to read the required text for tomorrow’s lecture. For weeks, he’s questioned the choice of his field of study. His professors’ lectures have grown tedious, even pointless, and he sits in the back of the lecture hall, fighting sleep, as the professor drones on about Kant and Descartes. Before the academic year winds down, he plans to transfer to the biology department.

Philosophy will remain a hobby, of course. A lifelong interest. But natural science will be his vocation. It has been calling out to him for weeks.

The door to the flat swings open, and his heart leaps. Rennie, returning home from school. But the clatter of shoes and laughter suggests she’s not alone. Her sister, the next eldest, is with her and chattering excitedly about something. She’s getting married in June, and flits around the flat, singing and giggling. Rennie, the youngest, is the most serious of all the daughters. Sometimes, when it’s just the two of them alone in the flat, he can relax and let down his guard, rediscover his true nature, as they discuss their favourite books and films.

The sisters’ voices float down the hall. ‘I’m going to pop over to the shops,’ Katerina says. ‘Do you need anything?’ He can’t hear Rennie’s reply, but if she’s requested something it will be a pot of strawberry jam. At breakfast this morning, she’d been crestfallen to find the pot empty. ‘It seems to be going fast, lately.’ She giggles. ‘I bet I know who the culprit is,’ she sing-songs. He blushes. Is he eating too much? His board includes breakfast, but perhaps he is consuming more than his share.