Her mother went on, staring at nothing over Ava’s shoulder. ‘I’d run home to my mother, with you, from the homesickness. Missing my family.’ She shook her head. ‘It was his long, long hours at work, with my time in a horrible brick house and no friends. Not many people talk to their neighbours in the city, and when I tried they’d just look at me as if I was trying to steal their washing.’

‘You were lonely,’ Ava said very quietly.

‘Very. He was devastated, of course. I found out, a fair while after the funeral, that he went a little crazy and took stupid risks and continued to until that got him killed. I blame myself. I’ve always blamed myself for Noah’s death.’

Ava’s head was spinning. ‘But we were always told you came home after he died.’

‘I lied.’ The statement clattered in the kitchen like a dropped knife and her mother’s eyes filled. Ava’s throat closed in sympathy. She couldn’t remember the last time she’d seen her mother cry, and she slipped her hand into Stella’s and squeezed.

Her mum didn’t seem to notice as she hung suspended in another world and time. ‘I left him and he died. And the lie I told you has eaten me for all this time.’

Ava didn’t know if the tears were for her father or for the fact that her mother had carried the burden for such a long time.

‘Oh, Mum.’ Ava stepped up closer and returned the love her mother had given her. ‘You were young, alone, maybe even postnatally depressed, without your mother nearby. And pregnant again. What did Mim say when you came home?’

She half laughed and it was not a happy sound. ‘She said go back. Talk to him. That there was a place between the two worlds where we could find a solution and we needed to work on it together.’

That sounded like Mim.

Stella sighed. ‘But before I could go back, it was too late.’

‘Oh, Mum,’ she said again. ‘You poor thing. And you’ve carried that and worried about what we’d think all these years? That’s why you were worried I’d end up like you if I went with Zac? Why you looked worried when he arrived, with our obvious rapport?’

She nodded.

Ava reeled, but her mum needed this sorted. She could rearrange her own brain later. ‘Firstly, I love you. Jock loves you. Neither of us is going to judge you for something you thought was right twenty-four years ago. Dad should have seen it coming too.’ She squeezed her mum’s hand again.