Finally, he spoke. ‘Thank you. You’ve been very open and honest. And all I can say is if I gave you the impression that we had a long-term possibility then I’m sorry. Maybe I had a madness that made me ignore the reality of any sort of relationship between you and me, but you belong here.’ He spread his hands helplessly. ‘Long distance, different worlds …’ He looked as unhappy as she felt. ‘Maybe I was ignoring the truth.’

She needed him to say it out loud so she could stop this false hope that was killing her. ‘And what is that truth, Zac?’

‘I think you’d be much better off without me.’

Bang. She wished now she hadn’t asked as agony sliced through her and she concentrated fiercely on hiding it. Running downhill into a brick wall could not have been more painful. Get yourself out of here, Ava.

She rose from her seat. ‘Thank you for being honest. I wish you well,’ she said: no inflection, no subliminal message, just a pleasantry. ‘Goodbye, Zac.’

Chapter Forty-nine

Zac

Zac fingered the ring in his pocket as she walked away. His eyes stayed on her until she passed through the door into the car park. He watched her disappear, feeling like he’d just missed a brilliant opportunity or a very important event.

One that he might have waited his whole life for – except that he couldn’t remember what it was.

He hated the feeling. He also felt bad for Ava, though he had told himself he was doing this for her benefit – in the long run. At least he’d learned that he hadn’t made a commitment he didn’t follow through on. No breach-of-promise suit – not that she was that kind of woman.

But there was no doubt that now was the time to leave the midwife alone. No more meetings or rehashing or creating opportunities to hurt her. Enough! He could see it was too dangerous for her and they needed to let go.

When Zac arrived at work that night, he tried very hard not to think of Ava. But it was quiet when he needed crazy busy. Now, three hours later, he glanced at the clock. Eleven pm. She would be on shift in the maternity ward.

The circle of thought started again. She’d been so fearless in the telling … She’d looked amazing … She was so incredibly brave … Her mouth …

He wished someone would come in with chest pain or something equally critical that he’d need to concentrate on. But the night dragged unusually slowly.