It’d never occurred to me that the years in between could change us so irrevocably. That I not only became a different person when he was gone, but that I also don’t know who he is anymore.

And if I wasn’t willing to fight for him then, when I thought he meant everything to me, why would I ever fight for him now when he’s a stranger? When he loves my sister and she loves him?

“I’m not interested in Elias like that,” I tell her. “He loves you, and even if I did have some kind of say in the matter, I’m not sure I could ever care for him the way you do.”

Her whole body relaxes and tears glisten in her eyes. Her bottom lip trembles slightly. “Thank you,” she whispers.

Just having said the words makes me feel lighter, as if I’ve let go of some dark gray burden.

“What about Catcher?” she asks, coming to sit next to me, the bed groaning under our weight.

“What about him?”

“Are you going to fight for him?” She tilts her head as if sharing a secret, a glint of mischief in her eyes.

I think about the look on Catcher’s face when he told me I was beautiful. The horror and want and need. The agony. And then I remember what he said when we first met. “He told me he’s broken. I don’t know if he even wants me, or anyone else, for that matter.”

My sister slips her hand into mine. “The broken ones need someone to fight for them even harder,” she says, her thumb tracing over the scars on the back of my fingers.

Chapter XXV

“I don’t know,” I tell her, remembering how it felt when he pushed me away. I don’t want to risk feeling that hurt again.

My sister shrugs as she stands from the bed. “You’re the one who told me that we can’t live our lives in fear,” she says as she walks from the room. She pauses in the hallway. “By the way,” she adds, “if you were wondering, Catcher told us he’s heading to the City tonight. Said it would be a while before he made it back. He’s probably already down at the cable-car platform by now.”

It’s a few seconds before I can move but I finally jump from the bed and hurry to the window, staring down at the river. Little bonfires burn along the wall, Recruiters huddled around them as they rotate off shifts protecting the shore.