“You’re not in between,” I tell him. He starts to shake his head but I interrupt him. “Do you care about me?” I ask. His eyes go wide. “Me and Elias and my sister. Do you care about us?”

He wrinkles his forehead. “You know I do, but—”

“And the Soulers you brought to the island? And that little boy—the people in the Dark City you take food to?” Now I’m right in front of him.

He flushes red, looking trapped. “I’m doing the best I can with them. I can’t—”

“Don’t you see?” I cut him off, my voice fervent. “Caring is a trait of the living. Not of the dead.”

His expression turns dark. “It’s not that easy, Annah.”

I lean forward and place my palms on the window on either side of him. “No, it is that easy. You’re alive. You’re only in that in-between state because you choose to be. Because you’re afraid to actually live.”

“It’s not that simple,” he protests.

My mouth hovers over his for a moment. “Life is never that simple. And the fact that it’s not that simple to you means only one thing: You’re still alive.”

He presses against me and I push back, tangling around him as he kisses me. “I am because of you,” he whispers in my ear. “Tomorrow I’ll find someplace safe for us. For all of us. I’m not coming back before I figure a way out. I promise.”

I kiss him again. How do I tell him that I already feel safe in his arms?

Chapter XXXIII

I don’t even have time to miss Catcher because the next morning my sister becomes crippled with illness, throwing up until there’s nothing left in her body and still she heaves and heaves. Her skin’s scorching and sweaty as she lies limp on the bed groaning, half delirious.

Elias is on the edge of panic. He goes and talks to the Recruiters, asking for herbs or medicines, but he comes back empty-handed with a rage seeping from his pores.

“They don’t care that she’s sick,” he seethes, pacing around the room. He stops and looks at me, his face drawn. “He said they only need one of us alive to keep Catcher coming back with supplies.”

My face drains and I absently raise my hand to tuck my hair behind my ears. Hair that’s no longer there. I let my hand fall to my lap and stare at my sister, pale under the blankets. “Maybe Catcher can bring something for us,” I say, trying not to let my voice shake because he promised last night that he wouldn’t come back until he found someplace safe for us.

And I don’t know how long that will take him.