“No,” he mumbles, looking around the roof as if he can’t remember what he was doing there. “No, I have to take care of Gabry.” He finally meets my eyes, his face pale. “She’s everything to me.” And then he collapses.

Chapter XXXIV

I try to catch Elias but only manage to buffer his fall as he slumps against a deep pile of iced-over snow. I shake him and call his name and his eyes roll in his head for a moment before he finally focuses on me.

“I’m sorry,” he whispers.

“What are you sorry for?” I ask, trying to get him sitting, running my hand over his face and feeling the fever of him seep into me.

“I wanted to love you,” he mumbles. “I really did.…” His voice trails off as I freeze in shock. “Promise me you’ll take care of her.”

“Elias,” I say but he doesn’t respond. I shake him again but nothing happens. “Elias!” I scream but he just lies there motionless, lips parted and chest rising and falling rapidly.

I can’t get him to wake up and the ice begins to melt under him, soaking his clothes. I look around in a panic and then I run to the edge of the roof.

“Catcher!” I scream even though I know it’s useless. Even though I know there’s no way he can hear me wherever he is. Below me a few Recruiters hesitate on their way to patrol the wall and glance up. I back out of their line of sight, suddenly wary of drawing their attention.

I rush back to Elias and try to lift him but he’s deadweight and my feet slide on the ice. “Elias, please,” I whisper to him. “Please please please wake up.” He groans and shifts a little and then he starts to heave and I just barely roll him to his side before he begins to retch.

Frustration tears under my skin as I wash his mouth with snow and he tries to push me away but he still won’t wake up. He won’t listen to me. He starts to retch again and his body shakes as groans tumble from his mouth. I grab the blanket he brought up and wrap it around him and for the moment he stops shuddering.

I know I can’t keep him up here. I try to lift him again and manage to half-stumble, half-slide across the roof to the stairwell. Getting him down the steps is almost impossible. I brace myself underneath him and let him slump down each stair in a barely controlled fall. I wince when his elbow slams into the railing but he barely registers anything.