I think of our spare room. Maybe I should offer it to her. After all, it’s only for two weeks, and it would prove to Ross that I’m making an effort, that I’m moving forward and not holding on to grudges. And besides, I like her company. For some reason, Mum and Dad don’t want me to revisit the past. They don’t want me to get close to her, but they didn’t want me to get close to Alice either. And how can I trust them when they’ve been lying to me all my life? Maybe if I get to know Catherine better, I’ll find out why.

It was a dysfunctional relationship from the very start. I realize that now. As a child, I never questioned the psychology of it. Why would I? She was everything to me. My emotional crutch. My confidante. My savior. So when I realized she needed me, too, of course I agreed to help her. How could I not? That’s how this whole thing started.

That woman had ruined everything. Turned her mother into a shadow. A wraith. If we could do something—anything—to make her suffer like poor Sheena was suffering, then that would right the wrong that had been done to her. Sheena would get well again and be happy, and then Catherine would be happy. Everything would revert to how it was.

At the time, it was exciting. A game of dare, but one that had motive and justification. I do believe we convinced ourselves that we were on some kind of moral crusade. Children can be so judgmental, can’t they?

I can still hear her cry as she toppled forward, the dull thud of her body as it landed on the pavement. But I didn’t look back. I kept running and running and running till I made it to the park and could disappear into the clump of trees by the playground and catch my breath.

Catherine was there, waiting for me, her eyes shining with admiration. “You did it, Ross! You actually did it!”

But it was all for nothing. Apart from the shock and a few bumps and bruises, Sue Molyneux was fine. She had to spend a few weeks on bed rest, but she didn’t lose the baby.

Afterward, Catherine said I didn’t bowl into her hard enough.

PART TWO

There must have been a moment, at the beginning, where we could have said—no. But somehow we missed it.

—Tom Stoppard, Rosencrantz and Guildenstern Are Dead