BooksBarbecue
Back The Dare
Chapters (68)
  1. Cover
  2. Praise for
  3. PART ONE
  4. 1
  5. 2
  6. 3
  7. 4
  8. 5
  9. 6
  10. 7
  11. 8
  12. 9
  13. 10
  14. 11
  15. 12
  16. 13
  17. 14
  18. 15
  19. 16
  20. NETWORK RAIL SAFETY UPGRADES TOO LATE FOR “OUR ALICE”
  21. 17
  22. 18
  23. 19
  24. 20
  25. 21
  26. 22
  27. 23
  28. 24
  29. 25
  30. 26
  31. 27
  32. 28
  33. 29
  34. 30
  35. 31
  36. 32
  37. 33
  38. 34
  39. PART TWO
  40. 35
  41. 36
  42. 37
  43. 38
  44. 39
  45. 40
  46. 41
  47. 42
  48. 43
  49. 44
  50. 45
  51. 46
  52. PART THREE
  53. 47
  54. 48
  55. 49
  56. 50
  57. 51
  58. 52
  59. 53
  60. 54
  61. 55
  62. 56
  63. THREE MONTHS LATER
  64. Dedication
  65. ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
  66. BY LESLEY KARA
  67. About the Author
  68. What’s next onyour reading list?

Even so, I don’t stop looking. The next drawer is full of gym wear, everything all jumbled up and plonked in any old how. It makes me remember that time Alice and I searched through Catherine’s bedside cabinet at Riley Road, when we were looking for her contraceptive pills. She’s no tidier now than she was back then.

The bottom drawer is equally messy, and rammed full of jumpers and jeans and a couple of hats—a woolen beanie and a navy baseball cap. It’s the same one I saw in her car when she took me for my scan. Only now I see something I didn’t register before. The red letters ICL on the front.

Imperial College London. It’s where Ross did his medical training.

43

I turn the baseball cap over in my hand. I’m pretty well acquainted with Ross’s possessions by now, and I’ve never seen this before. He does have a baseball cap. A plain black one. He wore it the first time he met my parents. Dad teased him about wearing it the wrong way round. Said he looked more like a skateboarder than a GP.

I bring it toward my nose and inhale the fabric. Nothing. Just a slight mustiness. A faint trace of smoke. Stupid to think it might smell of him. Stupid to even entertain the possibility of it being Ross’s baseball cap. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. It’s a coincidence, that’s all. Catherine is a nurse. She’s bound to know other people—other doctors—who went to ICL. It’s a famous London medical school, for God’s sake. She must have got it from one of them or picked it up from somewhere.

I study the cap for a little longer, then toss it back in the drawer. This stops now. I’m going to go downstairs, clear up the breakfast things, and then I’m going to go for a nice long walk and forget all about this nonsense. This is what jealousy does to you. It drives you crazy. Makes you lose your mind.

—

After I’ve washed up, I take the cards that Ross has left on the table, together with the framed photograph of his mother, and put them on the mantelpiece in the living room. He was really pleased with the vinyl I bought him, but I could tell that it was this photo that touched him the most. It must have been so hard for him, losing his mother at such a young age. I can’t imagine how sad he must have felt.