She gave me instructions right from the start. How to approach her in the café that first time. What to say. What to do. Somehow, she’d known exactly what Lizzie would need to see or hear in order to fall in love with me. Although, I like to think I might have managed at least some of that on my own.

I found it interesting, the things Catherine tolerated and the things she didn’t. She was surprisingly cool about the sex. Made me tell her all about it. It turned her on. And when Catherine got turned on, I did, too.

When she first suggested that I ask Lizzie to move in with me, I said, “No way.” It seemed like a step too far, but Catherine had a way of bending me to her will. She’d molded me into a creature of her own making, and I’d let her. I was stupid to get involved. Stupid and weak. Because the truth was, I no longer cared whether Lizzie did push Alice. Kids do all sorts of bad stuff. I know that more than anyone.

The original plan was to encourage her to apply for a job at the surgery so that Catherine could “meet” her there. When that didn’t work, the plan evolved. It was always evolving. We’d have a housewarming party instead. Catherine would do what she needed to do and I’d split up with Lizzie when she was done. Lizzie could have gone back home to Mummy and Daddy, her heart well and truly broken. A nice big notch in Catherine’s belt.

But then I messed up again. I messed up big-time. Getting Lizzie pregnant was never part of the plan. Nor was her finding that fucking congratulations card. Why on earth did Sue keep it all these years? As some kind of memento? At least Catherine can’t blame me for that. Not wearing a condom, though, that was entirely my bad.

Or was it? Was it really? Maybe it was just a fantasy. Mr. and Mrs. Normal and their baby. No games. No danger. No risk.

No, it was unthinkable. And yet…

And yet.

42

I watch from the window as first Catherine, then Ross, climb into their respective cars. Catherine drives off almost immediately, but Ross is still trying to maneuver out of an impossibly tight parking space. The man from number 14 with the pimped-up Mazda has hemmed him in again. I can see Ross cursing to himself. Eventually, he pulls away and I exhale, slowly. It’s nice to have the house to myself at last, especially after the tension between Ross and Catherine just now. What the hell was all that about? Has something happened between them at work, some misunderstanding?