If Ross hadn’t insisted on transferring the deeds of the house in Charlton into my name, I wouldn’t have been in a position to turn them down. But now that the paperwork is finally completed, I’m going to put the house on the market and buy a place of my own here in Dovercourt. I’ll be near enough to Mum and Dad that they can be part of our lives and watch Toby grow up, but we won’t be in each other’s pockets all the time. I’ll make sure of that.

Dad didn’t want me to have anything to do with the house at first, but then he came round to the idea. “You’re right,” he said. “Why the hell should he get away with not providing for his child? He owes you and Toby this for what he’s done. As long as he doesn’t think he has any kind of hold over you when he comes out. Because if he comes anywhere near you or Toby, I’ll…I’ll…”

Once upon a time, I suppose he might have said something like “I’ll kill him with my own bare hands,” but in the circumstances he couldn’t quite bring himself to finish the sentence.

It’s going to be tough, walking back into that house, but it’s got to be done if I’m ever going to move forward. I need to collect the rest of my things and get it ready for the estate agents to take their photos. Dad’s already bought the paint to cover up the stains in the hallway.

When things have settled down, I’m going to apply to the local university, too. See if I can do a part-time English degree. And in the meantime, Toby and I will camp out in my old bedroom. It’ll give me time to get used to being a mum.

What will I tell him as soon as he’s old enough to understand? Because I will tell him. Some of it, at least. I’ll tell him that once upon a time I had two sisters—Alice and Catherine—but that now they’re both dead. That once upon a time I loved his father so much, I wanted to be his wife, but he turned out to be a liar and a murderer. And that’s the brutal truth.

I swallow hard. Because here’s the thing: I am also a liar. I’m almost certainly a murderer, too. Will I tell him that? Somehow, I don’t think so. We all have things in our past we’re ashamed about. Things we’d rather others didn’t know.