“You guys don’t have to be afraid. I’m gonna take good care of you. Don’t worry, I’ve wrestled a bear before and won.” He chuckles loudly to himself. When he realizes no one is laughing along, he backs down and says, “I mean, OK, not really, but I know my way around. Relax. I’ve led these trips since I was a sophomore and have never had a problem. Now come on, gang! Let’s go find our sleeping quarters. Wait, is gang offensive? I’m so sorry if that is offensive in any way. I sincerely apologize. I’m working on being a more aware human in the world. It’s hard. Bear with me.” Earnell smirks while stroking Freddy through his bag.

We clutch our belongings and follow Connor through the woods. Despite my fear, it feels peaceful and serene like Jennifer’s office. I become enamored by the majesty of the trees. I wonder how they do it? Stand so tall and proud after everything they’ve been through, remaining unbent and unbroken. I feel so damaged inside, I’m not sure I’ll ever be fixed. I try to hide it, but it’s starting to show. Manda Panda doesn’t understand why I sometimes sleep all day, even though I have a million things to do. The pressure to succeed is agonizing. Here, I’m nobody and valedictorians are a dime a dozen just like Mr. Walsh said. I hope Jennifer is able to get me back on the right path.

My biggest fear is letting my family down. I’m the one that was supposed to make something of myself. I’m expected to graduate, find a good job, and then go home and lift my family out of poverty. When my mother calls and asks how it’s going, I tell her it’s all great. “Dartmouth is a piece of cake,” I say. “I’m A’cing all my classes.” She is always so proud.

“I just knew you was gon’ be something, girl. I just knew it!” When I ask her for an update on what’s happening in Cleveland, she tells me not to worry. “Everythang just fine here. Don’t you fret over us. You just focus on dem studies.” But I know she is lying. Everything is never just fine there.

At home, the day is just a bookmark between tragedies: another morning finding my father passed out drunk, another visit to the jail where one of my brothers is incarcerated, another empty bank account, no more money, never enough money, and another violent episode somewhere in the neighborhood. Someone bleeding now. Someone’s face lumped up now. Another, always another.