The rest of the day is full of icebreaker activities designed for us to get to know each other. I feel closer to everyone I’ve met, even though we’ve only exchanged superficial information about ourselves so far. The mood shifts when we get to the final activity of the evening.

“Now we’ve come to the main event,” Kurt says. “Eye gazing.”

“What the fuck?” I say out loud before covering my mouth with both my hands.

“This is a powerful activity,” he continues. “We so rarely stop and take the time to see each other’s humanity. Really witness. If we did, we wouldn’t create this kind of world of competition, strife, and turmoil. It’s because we don’t see that we abuse and harm one another. That ends tonight. In a moment, I’m going to ask you to close your eyes. Some of the chaperones will make their way around the room and mix you up a bit. The goal is to sit with a stranger, but if you end up in front of someone you do know, that’s OK. Maybe you have unfinished business. The more open you are, the more impactful this exercise will be. All weekend we’ve been slowly unmasking to get to this point.”

The fear in the room is palpable. None of us wants to look at each other. We are afraid not of witnessing but of being seen. Fearful the other might see the parts of ourselves we don’t like. Seeing myself for the first time in theater class was hard enough—this is excruciating.

I prepare for a battle. Put up all the shields! Man the oars! Prepare for incoming! I tell my defenses, but something in me shifts. Am I going to hide my entire life? The thought pounces on me like a hyena on prey. I am not the same as I was before I got here. I stood on the brink of defeat and returned. I have traveled to the other realm and healed my family lineage. I have met the highest version of myself and still carry her wisdom within. I am magic, supernatural, and unstoppable. Maybe I deserve to be seen. Maybe you can’t let people love you if they never really see you. The real you. Until then, they just love what you are projecting. The realization floors me. Have I ever not projected a false self in the presence of others? Have I gone unseen my entire life?

A sadness washes over me. I didn’t intend for things to be like this. I don’t want to spend my life hiding. I submit to the vulnerability of the task. No more resistance. I am what I am and that will always be true, no matter how many masks I wear. I take a deep breath and close my eyes. “Do your worst,” I say to the gods.