Earnell and I continue our flirting. I know I don’t like him romantically but I am enjoying the attention. “Wanna take a walk?” he asks. “Without Ren and Stimpy over there?”

“Sure,” I say. “Why not?”

We grab some cotton candy and linger through the sculptures. The Dartmouth Aires continue their melodic crooning in the background. It’s the most romantic moment I’ve ever had and I don’t want to leave it, even if this isn’t my prince. Earnell grabs my hand and I don’t pull away. I know I’m going to have to put a stop to this eventually, but I’m just not ready to release the enchantment yet.

“So, I was thinking.”

“Oh boy, what were you thinking in that brilliant mind of yours, Earnell Jackson?” He blushes at my unhidden flirtation.

“Just how we have so much in common. We come from similar environments. Have the same values.”

“Yes, very true. Hard to find people with whom you connect so well.”

“Exactly! Nearly impossible, I’d say. Out of all the campuses in the world, she had to walk onto mine.”

Silence, too much.

He stops and stands in front of me.

Onlookers probably think we are a couple smitten by the magic of the night. They would be justified in their observations. Both of us are enthralled, but for different reasons. Him because he thinks he finally got the girl and me as a result of tapping the well of unconditional love inside myself. We are on the same train, but for different reasons.

He leans forward, closes his eyes, and lingers.

The line that divides friends asks if I will cross it further. I consider the invitation. My desire to be intimate with someone in this moment is enormous. So compelling, I consider crossing over and meeting him in the throes of a passion I do not share. Yearning can make you act in such ways. His unkissed lips waiting right there. I stand outside the door of desire, hoping it opens for this caring, intelligent, good-natured human in front of me. I urge it to open, but it doesn’t and neither does my heart for him. It would be like kissing my brother. I can’t. Attraction is a mysterious force that can’t be feigned.

I am devastated. I know what it’s like to be rejected. I don’t want to be responsible for that.

“Earnell,” I say softly, and he sees his interest is not shared.

“Earnell, I need you to listen carefully to what I’m about to say. I want you to understand that it doesn’t mean you aren’t worthy. The right person will be able to appreciate everything you have to offer. You are one of the best people I’ve ever met. Anyone would be…”