Ice-skating is followed by a lovely walk across campus to the snow sculptures. Unlike the wooden joker for homecoming, the snow creations are glitzy and dazzling. There’s Tinkerbell, an ice castle, a frozen forest of ancient trees, dancing elves, and a nativity scene.

“How come nobody ever built stuff like this in Chicago?” Keli remarks. “Winter there would have been so much better.”

“’Cause poor people too busy trying to survive,” Earnell replies bitterly. “Don’t have the time or energy to play in the snow when dem bills gotta be paid and dem babies gotta be fed.”

“I know that’s right,” Gabby agrees. “They stay making sure joy is limited for poor Black folks, but we always manage to find a way to cultivate it in our souls. Like this one over here”—she says, pointing to me—“have you ever seen her so vibrant and free? You really need to tell us if your wild oats have been sowed.”

“Oh my God, shut up!” I say playfully. “Why is everyone so concerned about my lady parts all of a sudden? I am unsowed!” Earnell gleams at my confession, touching my arm, softly suggesting he might be the one to get the gold. He won’t, but I’m overflowing with love and want to be deeply connected to others around me, so I turn around and hug him. I press my entire body into his chest. He is slightly disappointed when I do the same thing to Gabby and Keli.

“OK, now I know this heffa is on one, freely loving up on us as if she’s a white,” Keli says.

“I just love y’all. That’s it,” I say, smiling radiantly.

The Dartmouth Aires, an all-male a cappella group, frame the moment perfectly with their smooth, harmonic voices. They begin their first song, “Can You Feel the Love Tonight,” by Elton John, as a crowd gathers. The moment overwhelms me. This is what I’ve always wanted. To be connected and loved. I have yearned for so long. I don’t understand why I had to grow up in a sea of abuse when this was possible all along.

“Harden yourself to stand it,” they said. “Obey the rules of society. Save money. Exercise and eat right. Try to achieve something important.” They don’t tell you that you’ll need to be loved. That it’s the building block of your very humanity. You can’t survive without it. So you come up with clever schemes to get it. Everyone’s tactics are different, but if you winnow it down to the root, you’ll find the same driving impulse: the need to be loved. Deeper than a need. Woven into the fabric of your DNA.

They don’t tell you that yes, you’ll use defenses sometimes, but everything you need for your soul is on the other side of those walls. How come no one ever told me?