“Believe it or not,” I called out over the sound of running water. She was waiting outside the door to my left. “This is a first for me.”

“I’m so sorry.” Pearl’s voice came muffled through the bathroom door.

I shook my hands off, saw there were no paper towels–of course there weren’t–then stepped out of the bathroom.

I nearly bumped my chest into Pearl’s nose. She jumped back.

“Sorry,” she said. Her eyes ran down me and she looked back up. “Oh, thank God you had extra clothes. But those look like workout clothes.” The pace of her words started to increase, like they were a force gaining momentum until even she couldn’t stop them. “You probably don’t pack fresh underwear to work out. But, I guess it’s not the end of the world if a guy doesn’t wear underwear. You could be totally fine without it. If that’s what you did, I mean. Like if you aren’t wearing underwear right now…”

A lopsided smile formed on my lips. “Uh, well.”

“Shit,” Pearl held her palms up, closing her eyes and shaking her head. “I’m so sorry. I ramble when I’m nervous. Throwing up on a hot stranger isn’t exactly–” She scrunched her face in frustration, visibly trying to force herself to calm. She lowered her hands and seemed to take a deep breath. Finally, she opened her eyes again. “I didn’t mean to say hot. Not because you aren’t, but because that would be weird. And please don’t respond to any of that. Actually, can we just pretend I stopped at ‘sorry’?”

“Sure,” I said. Except my dick wasn’t so ready to forget. That guy had a memory like an iron trap, and he promised he wasn’t going to forget where this gorgeous woman’s brain had gone. Right below the belt. “Well,” I said. “I should probably get out of here. I have a meeting upstairs in an hour or two, anyway.”

“Um, yeah. Are you sure there’s nothing I can do? Those clothes didn’t look cheap. I hope they’re not ruined. I’d offer to pay you back for them, but I’m not sure I could afford to. I could do you favors instead, or something. I mean, not like sexual favors,” she said, starting to speak fast again. “Not that you would ask me to. And I don’t do that kind of thing, for the record. I could get your dry cleaning or walk your dog or whatever.” Pearl’s face was bright enough red that people might have mistaken her for an “exit” sign if there was a fire. Frankly, it was adorable.

“They’ll be fine,” I said. “And it’s okay. Really. But hey, if you know anybody in the market for a fake boyfriend, let me know. I’m not looking forward to my friends all trying to set me up out of sympathy after this shitshow.”

She stared. “A fake boyfriend? What even is that?”

I circled my hand. “You know. Like someone who you can pretend to date. Maybe you’re trying to ditch a guy at a bar, so you ask this random guy to say he’s your boyfriend. Or whatever. But I could sure as hell use a fake girlfriend, or my friends are going to be trying to force feed a woman down my throat in about twelve hours.”