“I’m not sure I see another option right now. Unless I can miraculously develop skin as hard as diamonds. Men seem to really enjoy hurting me.”

“Dean seems like a good guy. I don’t think he enjoyed it.”

She was right, of course. Dean had looked miserable. I knew it was just wishful thinking, but I’d thought he looked like he was about to take it all back a few times–like he wanted to. But for some reason, he had stopped himself and simply left when I asked him to.

“You know, Lin told me about a job here in town.”

“Lin? Am I supposed to know who that is?”

“She’s a Fairhope local. But she has been working for Harper at The Spot for a while now and she just accepted this job in graphic design for the people over there.”

Stone tower was big enough that all I had to do was nod my head in the direction and Steph could see where I was talking about.

“You’re going to leave Manhattan? Like, actually do it? I know you’ve talked about it, but I didn’t think you were serious.”

“I think it would be the best thing for me. I was trying to decide what to do, and I was going to make my decision once I told Dean how I felt. If he wanted to be with me, I thought maybe I’d stay in Manhattan. Maybe I’d even ask him if he was willing to follow me out here for the job. But now? Now I think I need a fresh start. Just get away from the city all together and try life out here. I mean, it’s nice, right?”

“It’s really nice.” Steph looked out over the scenery with a distant smile. “I’ll miss you, though. Small towns aren’t for me, but I’ll come visit as much as I can.”

“I know you will,” I said. “I’ll come visit, too.”

I hadn’t really resolved anything, but I admittedly felt better after talking to her. Somewhat better, at least. I’d gone from “the world is ending” to “the world sucks” in about an hour, which I thought was a perfectly reasonable timeframe to get my shit together. I also knew which direction I wanted to head in my new, sucky world. That was something.

I still felt like part of me was hollowed out and raw, though. That wasn’t going to go away any time soon, but at least I pulled myself together enough to fake it through the rehearsal dinner and the wedding.

36

PEARL

The rehearsal dinner for Lizzie’s wedding was held in a ritzy building near Stone Tower outside of Fairhope. I’d opted to buy a different dress than the green one I had on when Dean came into my dressing room–that one felt like it would just carry the ghost of our encounter with it, and I wanted no part of that.

I had on a yellow dress that I hoped blurred the appropriate line between casual and elegant, which was what Lizzie wanted everybody to wear. The neckline was high and aggressive, but the back of the dress plunged all the way down to my lower back. Okay, maybe it was more on the formal than casual side. Sue me.