When I was inside her, I felt like the barrier we kept up between us came down. It was the only time I ever really felt that with Pearl, and it was addictive. The memory of it hung over me, just as tempting as it was haunting.

“I was thinking we should decide how to handle things,” I said. “Once this is over, I mean. It’d be better if we had a plan. An official one.”

“Okay,” Pearl said. “Turn around. Do you like this?”

I turned and saw she had on a green dress–a dress that was suspiciously the same shade of green as the one I’d suggested for her back in Asheville. I wondered if that was a coincidence.

It hugged her body with agonizing perfection. The fabric was silky and I could imagine how it would feel to run my hands down the side of her, tracing the shape of her narrow waist and wide hips before I gripped her ample ass, pulling her into me.

Pearl gave me a half smile, cheeks going red. “Um, you’re…” She pointed her eyes briefly down below my belt, then back up to mine.

I was hard as a fucking rock. Of course I was. I licked my lips. “I’d apologize, but you know how I feel about you.”

“Do I?” she asked.

Idiot, I thought. I’d chosen my words poorly. “I mean there’s no denying the physical attraction.”

“But there is denying everything else?” she asked.

She had taken a step closer to me. A dangerous step.

“Everything else would be bad for both of us.”

“You keep saying that. You keep thinking that.” Her eyelashes were long and her lips were full. I could kiss her. I could bend slightly and move my face toward hers. I’d have her lips on mine and everything would feel right for those few moments, even if I knew it wouldn’t last.

“Because it’s true.”

“Why?” she asked. “What would be so bad? Just tell me that, Dean. You keep running from me, but why? What did I do?”

Her voice had started to grow thick and she looked like she was on the verge of tears. I wanted to punch my own face for making her feel this way. “You didn’t do anything,” I said. “Nothing wrong at all. It’s the circumstances. That’s all.”

Pearl nodded, as if she was expecting me to say something like that. “There’s something I wanted to ask you. Just thinking about it makes me feel like I’m going to throw up. I keep telling myself to let it go and to give it up. I keep acting like I’m going to be able to pretend I don’t feel what I feel. But I’m tired of that. I want to put it out there. Dean, I want to be with you.” She took my hands in hers, holding them close to her breasts as she locked her eyes on mine. “I’m tired of pretending. I want this to be real, Dean. You and me. We wouldn’t even have to tell anybody it was ever fake. We could just… start from here.”