“For how long?” she asked.

“Honestly? Fuck women. No offense. And not literally. I mean, I’m done with all of it. The good ones wind up realizing they’re better off without me, and the bad ones end up like Annabelle. It’s a loss no matter how I play, so maybe I just won’t play anymore. I’m yours as long as you want me.”

Her cheeks went red at that, and my cock–the little bastard–definitely noticed. Clearly, there was mutual attraction between us, but acting on it would be problematic for a number of reasons. One, I was supposed to take some time to clear my head after a nasty breakup, right? You couldn’t trust yourself when you were in a state like this. Two, I really meant what I said. Fuck women. Agreeing to a relationship might as well have been like agreeing to climb into a burning airplane with no parachute. It was going to end in flames, the only question was when. And last but not least, I was tired of the endless dance. Maybe I could just put my head down, focus on work, and actually enjoy life without wondering when my relationship was going to detonate.

“Okay,” she said quietly. “Same. I’m not looking to date again. I don’t think I could handle another Eric. It’s just not worth it.”

Definitely not, I thought. Not with balls that small. I stuck my hand out. “Then it’s a deal. Be mine,” I added with a sarcastic twist of my lips.

“I’m yours,” she said, smiling back as she took my hand and shook.

My cock twitched, as if it was a dog looking up at its owner to make sure it heard that last part–the part about treats. Easy, prick. You’re going into an early retirement.

Her hand was soft and small. I felt like I had to be careful not to break it, but I shook slowly, eyes locked on hers. “Oh, give me your phone,” I said. “I’ll put my number in. If anybody needs convincing that we’re together, just have them call me. I’ll play along with whatever.”

She fished out her phone–a silly little bejeweled case with one of those popper things to hold on the back. I flicked my thumb up and saw she had no password. “You don’t have a password on your phone?” I asked. “What if somebody gets it and finds your nudes?”

Her eyes went a little wider. “Uh, I don’t keep nudes on there.”

“Oh, smart.” I tapped the side of my temple. “You keep them somewhere safer. I like that.”

She didn’t reply as I navigated to her contacts and saved myself in her phone as “Sweet Cheeks”. I fired off a quick text to myself and wrote “Thinking of you” with a few heart emojis and a kissy face. I handed it back to her and she looked down at the phone and read, cheeks flushing again. “Really?” she asked.

“Hey, it’s just pretend, right?”