The water was still hot. I made more cocoa in a large cup that matched the one I was using, being careful to take mine with me when I moved away from the table. Then I brought both cups back with me. The one I held in my right hand was the one with the dissolved sleeping medicine. I put both cups on the table, the one with the fresh cocoa in front of Duff. I know that. There is no doubt in my mind at all.

He sipped his cocoa. “Good,” he said.

I don’t remember what I replied, because I was getting sleepy. I closed my eyes for an instant, and when I opened them again General Caine was seated across from me, grinning at me. I screamed, I guess, and jumped up and covered my face, and then Duff was beside me with his arms around me.

“What is it, Mother?” he was saying.

“Nothing, nothing . . .” Why couldn’t I have told him then?

He led me to a chair, the same chair I was sitting in before. And my cup of cocoa was in the same place, or seemed to be.

“Drink up, Mother, and let’s get to bed,” he said. “This whole thing with Dad and Franny has just been too much for you.”

So we drank our cocoa. Mine tasted the same as before. Then we went upstairs together. At my door he gave me a hug.

“I’m really groggy,” he said, smiling. “Hard day, I guess. Good night again, Mama.”

I went into my room, undressed and got into bed and waited for the barbiturates, or whatever they were, to take effect. I remember thinking it a bit strange that Duff hadn’t asked me any questions about what I had been writing.

I lay awake for a long time, thinking after a while that I hadn’t taken enough medication. Then at last I fell asleep and didn’t die, but slept the night through.

In the morning when I remembered what I had tried to do, I was unexplainably glad to be alive. I had been saved, I thought, and maybe that meant my troubles were over. Whatever power had come to my rescue might now move in between me and my enemies.

And I’ll help myself by moving away, I resolved. I’ll do what Father Jackson advised. I’ll take Duff and Franny and go back East. Then I thought of the letters I had left on the kitchen table, got up quickly, put on my robe and went out into the hall.

Duff’s door was ajar. I was going to ignore it and had started down the stairs, but then I wondered if he was up already. I went back to his room and found him on his bed. He hadn’t undressed, hadn’t even taken off his shoes. I touched his hand and I knew.

27

Chapter Twenty-­Seven