“But I do.” As I speak, his hands are rubbing up and down my back again, and I never realized how soothing that could be to have someone’s hands on me but not in a sexual way. This is totally different.

Taking another deep breath, I carry on. “What do I do in my sleep?” I know what is happening in my nightmare, but I don’t know how I’m reacting in the real world.

“The first night when I heard you crying, I came in and you were looking for something, but I then worked out it was your father when you started calling for him while looking out the window.”

All I can think of is that I’m obviously so far back in my trauma again that I’m now sleepwalking.

“Why didn’t you wake me up?” Now I’m curious how this played out.

“I said your name a few times, but you just didn’t even register I was there. They say never to wake someone who is sleepwalking and talking in their sleep, so I just put you back into bed and you started to settle. I went to leave, but you grabbed my arm and asked me to hug you one last time. You were almost begging me, and I debated what to do, but the moment I put my arm around your shoulders, you just melted into me like I was your lifeline. There was no way I was leaving you when you needed me. I’m sorry if that was the wrong thing to do, but I would do it all over again.” The compassion in his voice is a totally different man than the Forrest I first met and have been verbally sparring with for six months.

It's hard to believe I asked him to hug me. But I can understand it if I was in the dream with my dad, which is all about me longing for that one last hug from him.

“Please don’t hate me for not telling you. When it happened again the next night, as soon as I climbed into bed with you, you settled. The next morning, you always seemed so refreshed, like nothing had happened. So, I made the decision to keep it to myself because I knew if I told you, that would be the trigger for you to push me away and run. I don’t want you to run, Harper. Let me be this person for you. I can’t make the dreams stop, but I can keep you safe through them. Let me take your pain.”

I can feel tears in my eyes, but it is not from being scared or feeling distraught. These are different tears. Ones for the sweetness of a man who hides himself from everyone in this world, except me.