Tomorrow, it would be like this had never happened. Bay never needed to know.

22

Bay

My handlebars wobbled as my eyelids drooped. I held onto the rubberized grips tighter.

A ride from Dare would’ve been great tonight. But if he’d had a drink, I didn’t want to be responsible for him getting behind the wheel of his car.

We’d finished early, getting the songs done in only one or two takes. Lockwood had joined them in the studio, and riffs they’d struggled with fell into place like magic.

There was a little quirk of doubt at whether I’d actually been a help. These long nights and jam-packed days were catching up to me. Wasn’t senior year supposed to be when you slacked off and did nothing?

As energized as I’d been in the studio, I had to dig deep for every drop of energy to make it to my house.

Parking my bike, I yawned, my jaw popping. My feet shuffled against the pavement and concrete steps leading to the front door. It only took me three tries to get the key into the lock.

The house was quiet. Coming home to an empty house sent a ripple of panicky, uneasy feelings shooting through me.

Before, I’d walk in and mom and dad would be watching TV, or dad would be watching sports and mom might be out. Coming home to an empty house was a new part of my changed reality, and I hated it. It wasn’t like things would be different when I went to college, but I’d be choosing that.

Having something ripped away is a lot different than leaving it behind.

At the bottom of the steps, I stopped.

Music rumbled the back windows.

I froze with my hand on the railing not wanting to look. He wasn’t. He wouldn’t.

Up in my room I changed into my pajamas, trying and failing to keep my attention from his house. It was probably another neighbor, or sounds carrying from a different street. Only I hadn’t heard anything coming up to my house.

Instead of turning on my light, I left it off. An act of cowardice. I should’ve flung the window open and screamed across our yards for him to keep it down, glaring at all the partygoers.

His questions about where I’d be tonight made it even worse. Had he been checking to make sure I wouldn’t be there and wouldn’t want an invite? What if I’d said I’d be home early? Would he have invited me, or had the party moved? Maybe this was his way of seeing if I’d be up for the party, but not wanting me to feel bad since I couldn’t make it?

I opened my window, letting the cool spring air fill my room, and looked out. The wall of music was even louder, rumbling the floorboards under my toes. Laughter and screaming came from every direction. Headlights flashed between the houses, all headed straight for Dare’s.

Up in his bedroom, a pair of shadows moved across his drawn curtains. A guy and a girl. Her curvy silhouette doing a dance for him sitting on the edge of the bed, ready and waiting for her show to end. The special feeling I’d had after all his assertions about never letting anyone into his room and how big of a deal that was curdled in my stomach. It seemed I wasn’t the only one.