‘That’s what they were called in the sixties, yes. I thought it would just be temporary, a big hospital in London, just for a few weeks I thought. But she – she seemed unable to recover, or recognise anything, or me. When – when you wait so long for someone you love so much to come out of a coma it is not as you expect, you can’t just sit at the bedside and explain and apologise, it – it doesn’t work like that. And the hospital was so – impersonal and big and – I – I didn’t like things that were happening. I began earning quite a lot of money at about this time so I had her moved to a small private mental hospital, they called it a nursing home, which I believed was less involved in...’ Terence swallowed several times, ‘...physical restraint. I thought it would be better for her.’

With his good hand, he pulled at his collar. ‘But the doctors in that private hospital wanted to give her electric shock therapy. They wanted to – jolt her brain. I would not agree, I would not let them – interfere with her brain, it seemed so barbaric, and just – wrong. They could not do it without my permission because I was her husband. As soon as I found a more suitable private place I moved her again.

‘At first I thought this third hospital was a very good place, she became much calmer almost at once and I believed at last that she was getting better. But bit by bit I realised that the doctors there thought – that I was bad for her, that it was bad for her to see me, that it hindered her recovery that everything was my fault. The psychiatrist in charge there – he actually owned the nursing home – who had seemed such a good influence when I first took her there – well, I found it harder and harder to – to get on with him.’ And Terence sighed with a kind of self-knowledge.

‘Unfortunately I once – hit him and broke one of his teeth. It was unforgivable of course but I felt so – frustrated and angry and useless. He wanted to have me charged for assault but was persuaded by others at the hospital to hush it up, but he never forgave me. He made everything as difficult for me as possible, said that she did not know me, that she did not want to see me, that her wishes must be respected and that I should keep away. I – I of course wanted to move her away, to another hospital but – she had become so much calmer there, I would have been a fool not to see that, I really thought she would soon be better.’ Again Terence pulled almost violently at his collar with his good hand, as if trying to free himself from his memories.