‘Shit.’ She clamps a hand to her forehead, swings her head away then back to me. ‘I thought maybe you knew.’ She tosses her free hand as if dismissing the entire conversation. ‘It wasn’t my place to say anything. Let the boys figure it out, I don’t know why I brought it up. Pretend I never said anything. Please?’

And how on earth would I do that, Claire? ‘Oh,’ I say. ‘I mean yeah, I knew the business was struggling but he doesn’t need a loan.’ I feel sick thinking about it. No secrets, he promised. But is this a secret?

Claire looks sad for a moment. She knows I’m lying.

‘Yeah,’ she says. ‘I know you did. Oh, I’ve put my foot in it, haven’t I? I just wanted to make sure he was okay. You know what those boys are like, they never say what they mean.’

I turn and try to smile. ‘Sure. Let’s head back in shall we?’ I check my phone. It’s almost time to go.

The boys look up from an iPad as we enter the house. Their conversation stops now, do they know something is going on? ‘What’s up?’ Cain says, the booze melting the ‘t’ in ‘what’s’.

‘Nothing, I was just admiring the view out there. Incredible, Axel. You guys have done such a good job with the renovation.’

‘We’re still talking about Airbnb,’ Axel says. ‘I’ve almost convinced him.’

So Cain can start making his own money? I think to myself. I feel a pang of frustration slap the back of my neck. That’s probably what this is about, they’re trying to help us make money, they know we are broke. I think back to something Cain had told me about Axel. ‘He’s like my older brother, he’d never let me get into trouble.’ What if Axel sees things differently? What if Cain isn’t like a brother, but a liability?

‘It’s not him that needs convincing I’m sorry to say.’

I can see that serious mind behind Cain’s eyes turning over the idea. A decision is already made as far as he is concerned and my objections are the only thing between him and a new way to make money. We never should have ended up here, like this in the city. Treading water financially, in a place we don’t love, doing work we resent. The plan was, no the plan is to move to Tarawera, without the big city rent and expenses, to begin raising a family, quiet and still as the lake. We’d be there now, if it wasn’t for me. If I’d not failed. If I’d not lost the baby.

Peephole transmission