As well as Gabe, July and Evan, I have had another visitor lately: Joe. Even I was surprised at first when he turned up, but it has been good for me to see him. He was released, cleared of all charges and I imagine he has a good compensation case for being wrongly accused and imprisoned. He seems a changed man. More gracious, philosophical almost. Life is different for him now. He’s stopped drinking altogether and his wife has him going with her to mass again. He was so angry before, but now, he says, he forgives me. He’s not going back to working in content moderation; that’s behind him. He’s going to retrain in something else. Oddly, he wants to be a bus driver, or maybe even a train operator.

Joe’s visits help. They make me feel like I’m still normal. He drives all the way out here to see me, bringing me a notepad and a pen, so I can continue taking my notes for my lecture. I know I’ll never be able to deliver it. No university would want me speaking, even when I get out. But something odd happened when I began to read through all my notes. Something resonated with me. Psychologists always find it difficult to diagnose themselves. Joe printed out and brought me in a copy of the Antisocial Personality Disorder test. I opened the first page, held my pen there for a moment. It’s a little like those questions my father asked with that look of concern that made the line between his eyes deepen. I find myself thinking about my past a lot more now.

I’m there again outside Peter’s bathroom door. I turned back to find the officers were just out of earshot. I knew I only had a few minutes at most before they pulled me away. I knew there was a good chance he would use the gun, but I was in too deep by that stage; there was too much on the line. I hadn’t even reported the fact he had the gun.

‘Leave me alone, Margot. If you’re not here for me, if you don’t want me, then clear off. You can’t talk me out of it.’

‘I know,’ I say, quietly, gently. ‘I’m here to support you, Peter. Support your decision.’

‘Support me?’

‘I don’t think you will do it otherwise. I don’t think you will have the courage to pull the trigger.’

‘You want this? You want me to do this?’