I reached over and took it. Was this fate showing me how I should live out my penance, doing whatever Corporal Perkins wanted for the rest of my life? Would that be such a bad reparation? I imagined children, chickens, the smell of freshly baked bread, wildflowers on the table, me serving Corporal Perkins his dinner.

‘You feel hot,’ I said.

His eyes didn’t open, but he smiled widely. ‘It’s you, nurse, sending my temperature up.’

‘Soldier! I hope you’re not going to give me any trouble.’ I tried to sound stern, but honestly, I wished he could put his arms around me for a few minutes. Quite an outrageous thing, yet I needed to absorb some strength of spirit, because mine was well and truly depleted.

*

A groan woke me in the night. I turned my head in its direction and looked into Perkins’s pale face. His eyelids fluttered, then he was returning my stare.

‘How do you feel after the operation?’ I asked.

‘I don’t know . . . my ankle hurts, but not as bad as it did,’ he slurred as if drunk.

I pushed myself upright and sat on the edge of the bed, but then gasped and had to slap my hand over my mouth to avoid crying out. Perkins’s sheet had slipped to the floor. His leg was off at the knee. I hadn’t realised the extent of his amputation, and I felt sure he hadn’t either. Oh, the poor man!

‘What’s wrong?’ he muttered urgently, screwing his eyes as the pain kicked in.

‘Nurse, please! Corporal Perkins is conscious,’ I called towards the desk.

The nurse came over. I lay down and watched my neighbour receive a morphine injection. In minutes, Perkins’s face relaxed and he gave me a slow wink. ‘Promise you won’t leave me, nurse, promise.’

I melted under his gaze and wanted nothing more than to comfort him. The man was a cripple for the rest of his life – because of me.

*

I dozed in the makeshift hospital, losing myself to the heat and the boredom, when a knock woke me. ‘Food!’ somebody called.

Nurse Josephine waited a moment before opening the door to find three trays on the floor. She brought them into the school room, slipped a mask on and then brought one over to my bed.

‘I’m really not hungry, nurse. It seems I’ve lost my appetite,’ I told her. ‘It’s the disappointment of not being allowed on the ship.’