At night, tiredness, pressure, and fear of failing as a nurse, dampened my anxiety and shame over what had happened on HMHS Britannic. Sometimes, I would forget that I had opened the portholes and caused the great ship to sink before it reached land. Yet those darkest memories often surfaced in the early hours, when sleep was too precious to waste on things that would not change. Those bodies tossed in the air, only to be dismembered by propeller blades on their inevitable return. The screaming, my drowning, the dolphin, Sissy’s precious watch, they all jostled against each other, pushing back sleep and claiming space in my mind.

During the daytime, my handsome Corporal Perkins often came to mind. I imagined the Corporal learning to dance on his prothesis. Never complaining, but always trying to do better.

Memories of Manno were a different story. They roared with tumbling, tantalising passion until my spine arched and my body tingled in the most delicious way. I wrote to him several times, but never received a reply. When he entered my thoughts, I longed for him, and wished so many things I could never say aloud or even put down on paper. I recalled the way he peered at me from under those long, dark, lashes – and the tender fullness of his mouth against mine when he kissed me. Oh! How I longed to kiss him again . . . longer, harder, deeper. There was no doubt in my mind, I was in love with Manno.

*

The following week, we were overloaded with work. Josephine and I often missed our evening meal and made do with dry bread and chicken soup, followed by strong cocoa provided by an understanding orderly who cared a lot for Josephine. However, we made sure we got to the dining room on the Monday, when Matron made the draw. That Monday, we were a little late for dinner and heard our names called as we entered the mess. A great thrill raced through me. At last, I believed, we had won a day away. We turned sharply and headed for the top table, both of us trying to reduce our grins to ladylike smiles.

‘Eat, pack your belongings, and report to HMHS Gabriel on the port at precisely nineteen hundred hours,’ Matron ordered. ‘You’re going home.’

Chapter 37

CHAPTER 37

SHELLY

Dover, present day.

‘SO, DJ, YOU HAVE TO know something about Gran Gertie,’ Shelly said. ‘She was a rebel. Fought for the vote and women’s rights with the suffragettes. Lied about her age so she could go and do nursing work in troubled countries she’d never heard of. As we understand so far, she was involved with events that unfortunately led to the sinking of the greatest passenger liner in the world, HMHS Britannic, though we won’t have all the facts until we’ve listened to the rest of her memoirs. She’s got us on the edge of our seats at the moment though.