I only have one more thing to say. I don’t know if you remember the holiday we all went on, together as a family. Gordon, Margarete and little Shelly. It was 1989 and Shelly had just started school. Gordon had a small win on Vernons football pools after correctly choosing seven draws out of eight in a line. Oh, my goodness, he was so excited he danced the polka around the garden with your mother, and I nearly split my sides laughing. The result was a second dividend of five hundred pounds; such a lot of money in those days, and certainly more than he ever had in spare change before.

We went to Syros, and I found my precious Adam. I loved that boy so much and wished things could have been different, but they could not. I had to do penance for my crimes, simply because I didn’t want the sins of the mother to be passed onto her children and grandchildren. Adam was in the monastery, being looked after by the monks. I saw him, held his hand, and told him so many things.

I’m not sure that he knew who I was, and there was no way I could have transferred him to England, so I decided that this was the cost of my sins. To lose both the man I adored and his son. I believe I’ve paid for my sins, and nobody else will suffer because of my actions. My great wrongdoing, to lie about my age, and to disobey orders and open the portholes, had led to so much sadness and loss. If only we could see the future consequences of small actions, before we make our mistakes.

Go to Syros, dear listener. See the island and think of me, and all those I’ve loved so much. The place has a kind of magic that I can’t describe, I think it must be due to all the churches, all those pockets of peace. I visited every one, walked through every door, and on that last trip, prayed for every person that I love, including you both, Margarete and Shelly. So, I hope God has answered my supplications and given you a blessed life. Whatever happens, just remember those words from Matron Merriberry: the past can’t be changed, so don’t waste your life dwelling on it. The past only has one purpose, to teach us not to make the same mistakes in the future.’

More than anything, I wish that you give and receive lots of love, through your entire life.

You have all mine.

Chapter 52

CHAPTER 52

SHELLY

Dover, Christmas Eve.