‘Someone has to break this toxic cycle, Ma. And that’s the purpose of evolution too. You need to be two steps ahead of the generation before you.’ I smiled through my tears.

‘Stay beta, stay for me!’ she urged, grasping my hands.

‘Why should I stay? Just so that you can get me married to a stranger?’

‘Stay, please,’ she whispered, but this time, she didn’t dare to look into my eyes.

‘No,’ I said curtly.

And for the first time in my life, as I said no, it did wonders for me. It was such an empowering feeling to take back control of my life. In that instant, I gave myself permission to prioritize my own needs and happiness without feeling guilty about it.

People are driven by power. Even the slightest degree of influence they can exercise on your life makes them feel powerful. They need not be necessarily interested in improving your life for good. And that’s why it’s liberating to walk out of such power dynamics. Being servile in front of your parents is not always good for you.

That night, while my mother thought I had locked myself up in my bedroom because I was distraught, I managed to leave the house without her knowing and took a bus and then an auto to Nirvaan’s home. I knew his parents were not in town. He was surprised to find me at his doorstep, but I told him that I missed my sister terribly and was afraid of sleeping on my own. I could never tell him about the heartbreaking circumstances that had forced me to sneak out of my house and go to him. He let me sleep in his room, singing me a lullaby and caressing my hair gently until I fell asleep in a minute. In those days, when I was struggling with sleeplessness on most nights, if I had the slightest belief in magic, it was because of Nirvaan’s touch and presence.

The following morning, instead of telling him the truth, I lied again and said, ‘I want to pursue my ambition in America. I cannot stay here in India.’ Then I left. And that was it. That was our story. I did not have the courage to say a proper goodbye and end things.

And that is how I experienced my first break-up nine years ago.