As long as Harpreet was there, we used to hold each other and cry every time something like this happened. But after she left, I didn’t even have that bit of comfort. And my mother wasn’t the kind to tell me what was going on. She would always put a brave face on and pretend that nothing had happened. She probably thought that her denial, her reluctance to open up and her aloofness were all for my good. But in reality, her behaviour and the violence I witnessed at home turned me into an anxious person, so much so that if someone raises their voice slightly, it triggers my anxiety even today.

When my dad returned from his shop that night, I told him over dinner, ‘Papa, I want to leave the country and build a life for myself. You want me to leave this house anyway, the only difference is that I’ll be pursuing higher studies and not getting married. And Joginder mama is willing to help me. Please let me go. I’ll send back money. I’ll help you and Ma with the household expenses. Please give me one chance.’

Instead of saying anything, my father just hurled his plate at the wall, and as it shattered into a million pieces, he got up and slapped me hard. My mother jumped out of her chair and came to rescue me, but he simply turned and beat the living daylights out of her. ‘Bitch doesn’t realize that I can’t take money from her,’ he shouted. ‘She’s a liability that I have to marry off. What kind of life do I have? Why will I take money from my daughter? She’s a girl!’ He hit my mother until his cruel urges were satisfied, and then he walked away to the local bar where we knew he would get wasted.

I helped my mother get up from the floor and gave her a glass of water. ‘I will go away, Ma!’ I told her. ‘I didn’t tell you this earlier, but after Joginder mama’s call that day, I spoke to him again, and with his help, I took the SATs. My scores are excellent. I can study in a good American university and build a better life for myself. I have to leave, Ma. I have to. You just take care of yourself, please. And someday, if I find enough courage, I’ll come back for you and take you away from this prison.’ I hugged her tightly.

‘Please stay, beta, stay for me until you’re in the safe hands of your husband,’ she pleaded. ‘What will you do? Where will you go? The women in our family don’t step out alone. They don’t go out and work. It is against our values.’