‘Buttocks?’

‘Mainly her left buttock,’ I say. Why can’t I shut up about buttocks? I pass Elsa over and start to back away down the path. ‘Any problems, ring me or Grandad because Mum needs total rest.’

Dawn rubs her nose on Elsa’s fluffy hair. ‘I guess that’s why you’re still in your pyjamas,’ she says.

Argh! Is she? I just grabbed the first Babygro thingy that I found in the drawer.

‘Sorry,’ I say. ‘I was a bit rushed this morning and Mum was asleep. You know, painkillers …’

Dawn seems to accept this. ‘Who’s got a poorly mummy?’ she says to Elsa. ‘Let’s get you changed and then I’ll give you some honey toast.’

Honey toast? That sounds amazing! Elsa woke me up at around five, jumping up and down in her cot and cackling. Then I had to rush around getting her ready and I didn’t have time to eat breakfast or even change out of the clothes I fell asleep in. Right now, I’m wearing yesterday’s pants. Not a good feeling.

Just as I’m about to escape, Dawn calls after me.

‘So how did your mum slip her disc?’

‘Picking up … baked beans,’ I say, nodding to show that what I’m saying is definitely the truth. ‘She bent like this –’ I mime twisting round ‘– picked up a bean,’ at this point I actually hold up an imaginary bean, ‘and, bang, it went … or rather, slipped.’

‘A baked bean? Well I never.’ Dawn forces Elsa to wave at me. ‘Say bye-bye to Meggie-pops!’

‘Bye, Elsa!’ I say, smiling and waving back.

The moment the door shuts, my smile vanishes and I turn and leg it down the road. I am going to be so late for school! I cut through the cemetery, weave round shoppers on the high street and get to school just as the electronic gates are swinging shut. With a final burst of energy, I throw myself through the gap.

I made it!

And that’s when I see Mr Curtis, my deputy head of year, lurking by the bushes. ‘Meg Clark!’ he says, chuckling. ‘Are you late?’

‘Yes, Sir,’ I manage to say.

He shakes his head and pulls out a late slip. ‘Any particular reason?’

Where to begin? There were the various nappy changes, Pongo stealing Elsa’s Weetabix, cleaning up Weetabix number two that landed on the floor, and then cleaning up Weetabix number three that Elsa patted into Pongo’s fur – that stuff dries like rock. Oh, and Elsa cried four times and I cried once, but only through pain. Elsa accidentally bit me when I tried to get my keys out of her mouth.

‘I overslept,’ I say. ‘Sorry.’

He laughs again and starts filling in the slip. ‘I’m afraid this means break-time detention.’ He holds out the slip and raises an eyebrow. ‘Now, Meg, you do know what a detention is, don’t you?’

‘Yes, Sir,’ I say, snatching the slip out of his hands.

TWELVE

I’m hovering outside the detention room. I can see Mr Curtis inside, but I’m not sure if I’m supposed to walk straight in or wait for everyone else to turn up. Quickly, I check my phone. I’ve been glancing at it all morning, hoping there’ll be a text from Mum saying she’s changed her mind and she’s coming home. So far, nothing.