“I think we’re amazing and I love you. I just need you to tell me those walls aren’t going to be up forever.”

Adam isn’t wrong to ask this of me. If I want this relationship, any relationship, to work, I’m going to have to figure out how to be more open. I cannot rely on a book talk to do the work for me, and I cannot choreograph the perfect moment.

“We are amazing,” I tell him. “And walls are not. I get that. So I’ll work on the walls.”

I want to tell him his nagging girlfriend comment got under my skin, but decide against it. I don’t want to be accused of being petty. I’m in new territory with this relationship, and it shows.

Adam smiles, satisfied.

“That’s all I needed to hear, Ary,” he says and resumes walking before I can wrap my arms around him for an embrace. “Tomorrow is big. We’re officially announcing the campaign. I found a shark of a campaign manager. He’s on a winning streak.”

“That’s incredible,” I say, and I mean it.

When the waiter has jotted down our orders, I take a long sip of water and tell Adam I wish he could have heard more of the book talk.

“Yeah, you know me. I’d rather watch the movie. You went a little hard on that guy in there, though. No more documentaries for you, Ary.”

Beads of condensation have collected on the outside of my glass. He doesn’t know, I remind myself.

I think of the time I saw Adam give a best man’s speech at his friend’s wedding in New Jersey. I’ve given plenty of medical lectures to rooms of physicians without any qualms, but to speak on so important an occasion would have made me anxious. Adam was not. He walked the dance floor with a swagger I’d not seen before. Mic in hand, he talked about the time they’d gotten lost driving to Montreal and the time he’d been sick as a dog and his friend had brought him a can of expired chicken noodle soup. After a few claps on the back and a hug from the groom, Adam returned to his seat next to me, beaming.

All through dinner and as I walk home alone, I wonder why I struggle so to tell my story to a crowd of one, especially when that one is Adam.

Chapter 40

Adam has just returned to the table. Our schedules are so mismatched these days that we only meet up for food. He has been chatting up the owner of the restaurant, asking him what challenges he’s been facing as a small-business owner and slipping him a freshly minted business card. He has a new energy about him, a little like a guy who tried to sell me disability insurance. I keep that observation to myself.