“I think about Tilly a lot,” I say. “I wish I could have done something to help her.”

“There’s nothing you could have done. You know very well how serious meningitis is.”

The crash on the mountain on our way to Jalalabad.

The runny nose Tilly had in Islamabad.

I was in my first year of medical school, learning the anatomy of the head and neck, when I put the clues together. Tilly must have sustained a skull fracture in the car accident, opening a tiny crack in the wall meant to keep microbes out. While we hid in the embassy vault, surrounded by flames, those microbes were setting fire to the lining surrounding Tilly’s brain and spine. She must have felt awful long before we boarded the plane to leave Pakistan.

I’d been afraid to tell Mom my theory because I’d thought I’d break her heart all over again but she’d been relieved. But I know unanswered questions about those we love can torment us and sometimes get in the way of good grieving.

Antonia had been frantic from the moment she’d heard about the riot in the Islamabad embassy. She’d been about to board a bus to meet us there when she learned of the evacuation plans. She’d come home and, while arranging Tilly’s funeral, had also tracked me down.

“She shouldn’t have been on that road,” I say.

“Aryana,” she says, a chastising edge to her voice. “Mom and I were adults. We each made decisions. Mom wanted to get you out of the country. It was almost as much for her as it was for you. And if she hadn’t gotten on that plane with you, God knows how long it would have taken me to get you out of Pakistan, even with my contacts.”

Mom purses her lips.

“You looked like you were going to jump,” she says softly. “When I walked into that room and saw you standing at an open window, I was terrified. And that woman, nice as she seemed, was just fussing around her kitchen with a cup of coffee. A goddamned cup of coffee.”

I flinch at the memory.

“We all end up where we were always meant to be, Aryana,” she says.

On that day, I hadn’t heard the door open. Antonia had managed to slip her arms around me before I realized she was there. I fell backward, into her embrace. I don’t know how long we stayed on the floor of that room or if Janet stuck around to watch.

It had taken two whole days for Antonia to have me placed with her. Janet and Everett had protested after they learned that Antonia was unmarried but were quick to let me go.