The ceremony went off without a hitch. It was dusk as the sun rolled down over the mountains on a cobblestone patio at the back of the lodge. Miles of flowers, candles, and twinkling lights decorating it. Everything, even their families, seemed to go on for miles. All dressed in fancy dresses and expensive suits. Claire and Brody exchanged vows, and the tears rolled as he promised to show her that she is everything to him. Tears, Kleenex, and a few ‘awe’ filled the atmosphere with love. Once he pronounced them husband and wife, they kissed. I’m not overly sentimental, but I think if I ever got married, I’d do something like this. Simple and beautiful.

We proceed to the ballroom the couple booked through the hotel. It is nice enough, and there are more of those twinkling lights on the ceiling and wildflowers on the tables. Like a well-orchestrated symphony, the food was served just as the last guest took their seat. Wine bottles are uncorked, and as the last plate from the five-course dinner is cleared, the toasts begin. From Claire’s mother, aunt, cousin, and Brody’s parents to finally the bride’s and groom’s party. Don’t get me wrong; it’s all fun, but these speeches are taking too long. After the matron of honor delivers her speech, everyone claps while the bride wipes away a few tears. I take a deep breath. This is it. Now it’s my turn to look like an idiot as I give a speech to end all speeches. I hope these people all have great senses of humor. I clink my champagne glass a few times to settle the dinner guests down.

“Excuse me,” I begin. “It’s time for the obligatory best man speech. Now, for those of you who don’t know, Brody and I have been best pals for most of my adult life. When I moved here six years ago, doe-eyed fresh out of college, I had no idea where I was going or what I was doing. Just that I had to get out of Jersey, as I’m sure many of you can sympathize.”

I get a few chuckles from Brody’s aunts, uncles, and grandparents. This is a good start. “I ended up at a large law firm as an IT guy. It wasn’t a great job, but it paid the bills. Three weeks into this job I made my first friend in Colorado. This son of a bitch—” I gesture to Brody at the head table, “thought his computer was broken to high hell. He was some intern starting law school in the fall, and he thought he was going to get fired for damaging company property or something. Well, it took me about five seconds to realize he hadn’t even plugged the damn thing in.”

His cousins laughed extra loud at that. “Typical Brody,” one of them barks.