Those are two months I barely remember. I couldn’t think beyond the bottles of whiskey I drank. I never felt so much pain. It was unbearable. Everything was dark after the light coming from her disappeared.

That’s when I realized I’ve never been in love with anyone before. Not the way I love her. She’s the one person who continually consumes my thoughts. I still look for her.

Claire Solis is the love of my life.

What did I do? I treated her like shit and there is nothing I could do to fix it.

After pissing off my family, my best friend, and losing so many accounts, including the Stewart account, I came to my senses.

The first thing I did was fire Gary Travis. The asshole didn’t have one fucking original idea in his head. We caught him snooping in Claire’s old computer. I kicked him out immediately.

Then, we moved to a new building. One that’s closer to where I live. I’m back to being more hands-on with the accounts, and we’re focusing on personal customer service. The way Claire use to do it.

Everything I accomplished so far doesn’t feel like enough to find her and say, “Hey, I fucked up, please forgive me. Can you give us another chance?”

I don’t think I’ll ever be able to do that.

Recently, I went to New York, with the excuse of interviewing some college kids for an internship. She was at the airport with a guy and a baby. My heart stopped, my body froze, and I just wanted to be him. The father of her baby.

The pain inside me increased. I had lost her forever.

That’s what I thought anyway, until a little boy ran to the guy yelling, “Daddy,” and I recognized him. Lucas, Claire’s nephew. Her family was there, she may or may not be in a relationship, but I realized I might never be the guy she needs.

But I still ask myself, sometimes at night, after I think about my day, would she see me as Han Solo or fucking Hannibal Lecter?

Twenty-Six

Claire

After more than two years of living in New York, I’m accustomed to the weather. I miss the mountains, my family, and my friends. But moving away and being on my own has been the best thing that could have ever happened to me.

When I arrived, I wasn’t sure if I would get used to the rhythm of the city. It wasn’t easy giving up my baggy clothes for business attire. The fruit in this city isn’t as fresh as what I eat at home. Well, that’s never going to happen since Mom normally grows it.

I’ve learned a lot about myself, who I want to be, what I want to do, and where I want to go.