There is just no way a kid Evil Hansel’s size can tackle a guy like me I mean NO WAY so he hasn’t. He has tied a curtain rope around the nasty enormous ornamental vase on the wash table and thrown a noose over my head and kicked the vase on the floor. Now I am lying on the ground and looking up at him and he says:

“You are him.”

“What the fuck kid what—”

“You are him. I see you.”

“Of course you do you’re fucking nine.”

“Yes. I am.”

And he is nine. I mean that’s the point isn’t it kids do not see the world the way we do. They see clearly because they don’t have that thing telling them impossible things are impossible. He just saw me and now—

I’m lying on a men’s room floor tied to a stoneware vase with a chipped base and he’s got the fucking oyster knife again JESUS FUCK this is embarrassing I will get cut AGAIN—

I could die here. I mean it’s not likely I can still probably—

Get dead of infant.

Dead of oyster knife.

Dead of being too fucking stupid to stay alive.

“YOU YOUNG MAN ARE IN SO MUCH TROUBLE RIGHT NOW COME OUT OF THERE.”

O God bless you Charlie you are o GOD BLESS YOU—

Her hand comes in through the door—

“EXCUSE ME SIR I DO NOT MEAN TO INTRUDE—”

Rex comes in like a wall and bundles Hansel out and then I’m standing and it’s all done it’s done but fuck

Fuck

How careless can one guy get—

I am doing this like I used to and it is not working and I—

Fuck this needs to shift to paradigm shift or I will get all of us dead.

Outside Charlie says, “I WILL BE SPEAKING TO YOUR MOTHER ABOUT THIS. WHERE IS SHE—OH IT IS YOU IS IT MADAME—YOUR SON—YOUR SON IS A SEX PERVERT MADAME HE TOUCHED MY—HE—YES HE TOUCHED MY BOOB—NO HE ABSOLUTELY REACHED RIGHT UP AND IN WHEN I WAS LEANING DOWN TO SAY NICE THINGS ABOUT HIS LITTLE SUIT—LIKE A FUCKING OCTOPUS MADAME—”

She keeps saying boob over and over again.

“BOOB yadda yadda yadda BOOB! And furthermore blah blah BOOB blah ALSO I THINK HE TOOK A PICTURE WHERE IS HIS PHONE—”

Evil Hansel is a psychopath. He is terrifying and short and totally dangerous as shit. That with the vase was fucking golden. He’s a godhead genius fucking horror show.

He is also nine.

If there is a hell for nine-year-old boys, it involves being accused of being a sex pervert by a lady with whom some part of you would really like to be a sex pervert but you do not entirely know what that is.

(BOOB! and la la la)