“HAH! Yes. You are quite right that is why. But also because fucking young people finally get to tell you everything they want you to think is true and you have no way to be sure one way or the other. From moment to moment any fucking thing could be happening. The entire universe is malleable. When I was young do you know what we were afraid of in this country?”

“That the Germans would invade?”

“Sure maybe them. I was going to say the Soviets in fact but them too. Then later it was all about the Turks. The Turks were coming to miscegenate us. But it turns out the Soviets didn’t give a shit and the Turks are very good at being Swiss. So now there are Swiss people with Turkish beginnings who worry about all the Croatians coming in. I suppose that is progress of a kind.”

“I guess.”

“It is crap and you know it. But you know what my grandkids do now? They take turns making shit up. Once a month they fuck with me. They take turns. Opa Opa the Russians have come! Opa it is Sharia Day you must dress and comb your beard! Yes Opa this is how it has been since ninety-one do you not remember? Switzerland is an Islamic Soviet now. Little vermin! I went to the opera in a fucking kurta.”

“How was that?”

“Drafty around my balls but I’m guessing real Muslims do not go commando to the fucking opera. Lying little shits. They are beautiful. I love them. What do you do again? I forget.”

“I am the leader of a global criminal syndicate wanted in pretty much every country on earth. I kill people occasionally but mostly I’m just trying to get by because you know everyone has to have a thing that they do. Next week I’m going to rob a bank for three hundred million euros but mostly because I just really want to.”

“Oh you’re a fucking artist?”

“Yes sir I am.”

“Call me Paul.”

“Paul.”

“Banjo.”

“Paul.”

“Who’s Paul?”

“…You almost had me.”

“HAH. Good. You met Eiger yet?”

“…No I have not. But I know his work.”

“You should meet him Banjo he is a loathsome Arschloch.”

“Oh good I guess all the best people are here.”

“Yes Bern is not large and there’s a lot of entertainment but only one party like this. Eiger…did I say we don’t get along? I think to be honest he hates art but he is the owner of the venue so we all pretend. Even his family and they mostly don’t like him either. You understand hypocrisy of course.”

“I’m a fucking artist Paul.”

“HAH. Come on, then.”

I follow Paul and I go and meet Hans Eiger.

—