I am Banjo Telemark. I am an Ambiguitionist that is to say a maker and vendor of bespoke bewilderment. My atelier is the world and in my atelier nothing is solid and every truth you think you know is also a lie.

I am Banjo Telemark.

Let me show you my art.

—

murder on the railway is the best Swiss tabloid headline ever. There is an outrage against the Federal peace and also too there is misuse of infrastructure and offending both of those things together is like stealing the crown jewels, which please note the Swiss do not have because that would be some feudal bullshit and they do not approve.

Although one time they stole the ducal hat of Burgundy.

Yeah ducal hat yes. Yes the Swiss and yes stole I know I know it is off-brand it is not my fault history is filled with this shit.

murder on the railway tentatively identifies the dead guy as Jacob Morgenstern Price an international hoodlum and professional murder artiste formerly a dealer in really excellent bespoke artisanal cocaine—

“Thank you Charlie—”

“One day boss we will raise the stallion up once more—”

“That sounds dirty—”

“It was dirty boss it was a dirty dirty bad pony and you could ride it all night without getting a sore crime—”

“Charlie—”

“Crime buttock—”

“I am blind now, blind in my brain parts. Silence while I read our clippings—excellent bespoke artisanal cocaine but more recently the kingpin of transcontinental death squad the Seven Demons who reputedly keeps a man in a cage on his executive jet—shit did anyone feed Sean?”

“Yes boss we have a service.”

“How do we—no do not tell me. Good fine good. Oh wait oh shit—”

Because there in the opposing column is Agent Hannah explaining how she came to lose track of the felon and she has two very purple eyes and gosh she is very pissed. She has also opened a case file on the Seven Demons and she is all over that shit. Well she is welcome to be all over that shit because our money is ghost money and when Charlie got hold of the financial software she straightaway created a boojumajizzle called a fractal self-replicating iterative shell net, which is basically a little tiny robot brain which runs around the world creating empty companies tangentially linked to one another and to unavoidably real objects like the jet but also to random crimes and natural disasters. The boojumajizzle then runs incremental amounts of money around and around the system so that it looks like a real thing and entire law enforcement agencies could waste decades untangling it because it is like a headphone cord the moment you leave it alone for ten seconds it turns into a hair ball again.