The woman is tiny and skinny like that statue by Canova that is totally indecent they should not show it to the youth. She has black hair tied in a topknot and sprayed solid so that it looks like a Venetian chandelier resting on its back. I do not think she is pleased to see us but to be honest no one is these days and it is starting to drag on my bonhomie but even so—

“Um well hi I am Banjo may I know your—”

CLICKCLUNK

The gun is—honestly how does everyone have these things? They are like these cool bespoke firearm situations even Lucille had a gold-plated gigantagun one time before I threw it away and I—I just I guess I don’t really like the idea of having a signature gun it feels needy. Like I am the king of openhanded chaos I do not want that shit. But at the same time undeniably you cannot get openhanded chaos out and wave it at people to make them shut up and in my life right now everyone but everyone seems to do this.

The artisanal firearm right now being used as punctuation is called a Donnerbüchse, which is to say a thunder gun, and it is basically a weaponized recycler. It is a cone with bang bang at the back and an open mouth at the front and you put any old crap you happen to have in and then pull the trigger and all your chicken bones or nails fly out and rip pieces off whoever is in your way. Many people who are shot with one of these things who do not sustain fatal initial damage are killed by the very many fucked-up infections they contract in unexpected body parts because that is what happens when you get shot with a chicken carcass and a bag of nails. Another way of thinking about a Donnerbüchse is that it is a handheld unidirectional pipe bomb.

“Fuck you Flavia,” Charlie says which is not helpful.

“Charlie I will ask you to refrain from offering conflict resolution at this time and maybe just make nice.”

Charlie says: “Sorry I meant to say hi Flavia.”

The lady with the thunder gun is called Flavia.

“Fuck you Charlie what the fuck are you doing here?”

“I am here with Banjo he is making art.”

“Fuck Banjo and his art. The banjo is an instrument of oppression, a blackface parody.”

“In fact that is not accurate it was popularized in the U.S. largely by a blackface act but it owes its origin to a wholly non-European heritage and it is authentically—”

“Shut up you talkative asshole or I will blow your fat face out of the fucking roof of my house.”

“Yes ma’am wait fat?”

“Sure you don’t like me calling you fat face. That’s your fat-face problem whatever. Now Charlie take your friend and fuck off out of the Black House—”