Hans Eiger was not thinking along those lines. Hans Eiger was looking to make a point. A splash. A revofuckinglution in personal financial security. To demonstrate that his bank was unassailable. That his bank had the largest banking genitals in all the wide swinging world of steel and concrete and holes in the ground.

And for that what he needed—what he needed—

He needed us.

The Demons.

Not to rob the bank.

To try to rob the bank.

And fail.

Because if there is one thing everyone likes it is a hero story and for a good hero story you need a villain because a villain makes a headline.

And with the right headlines he could turn the emptiness of the Kircheisen Festung into a frantic demand for space. His perceptual issue will become word of mouth.

If Hans Eiger kills the Seven Demons as we try to rob his bank, his bank becomes the coolest fucking bank in the universe. The evil-chipmunk community will want his smooth stone corridors and his musty steel vaults more than they want sex or money or power. International dumb people will open accounts with him and keep nothing in their fucking vaults at all, just to say that they got an account with Die Festung before their brother-in-law did. So he called me and he sent some flunky to be Mr. Client ooh la la and romance my larceny and—

I fell for it.

I fell for it.

I.

Fell.

For that.

I cannot believe I fucking—well that Eiger would believe I would fall for that is—

It is fucking offensive is what it is and that offense is in no way mitigated by the fact that he was right that is not the point I should not have and he should not have DREAMED that I would. Not EVER.

It’s offensive.

It’s offensive and it is also—he is also—he is fucking un-Swiss. Can you believe it? This whole shit is un-Swiss. He caused a hazard to the public in pursuit of profit and he got caught doing it. That is un-Swiss.

But there’s more than that there is something that is beyond offensive it is fucking Hegelian in its ingenuity to piss me off is what.

Do you know what is beyond offensive? That is a coffee trick. It is a commodities trick. Here is what you do you—and this is why you never invest in the fucking gold market because those fuckers barely do anything except this—you have a bunch of coffee for sale and you get a letter of intent to buy and then you turn around and show everyone that oh so confidential letter and you create a demand. You fuck the first buyer and the price goes up and you sell at the top and everyone else is left holding the fucking bag when the price resumes seasonal levels.