Over the salad course, by way of peacemaking, Doc ventured the opinion that the absence of sex between the canine companions may be owed to the fact that their antibodies were not sufficiently complementary, which seemed like a good no-fault explanation to me, but Mrs. Van der Zee recorded around a mouthful of lollo rosso the alternative view that Tycho is a hate-filled canine Communist. Doc said he was not hate filled nor indeed did he, being a dog, possess the necessary cognitive architecture to form political opinions of this kind, and Mrs. Van der Zee audibly concluded that Doc was One Of Those. When Doc requested clarification of what sort of Those this might be, I was unable to prevent Mrs. Van der Zee from explaining that Doc—as evidenced by her lack of belief in dog politics—was a DOINO, or dog owner in name only, or she would know that our furry friends understand more than we think. Doc noted that she might could arrange for Mrs. Van der Zee and her damn dog both to get a virulent and fast-progressing hemorrhagic fever, and I said shush because that is a thing that Doc has done in her life, and ixnay on the lowingbay ouryay overcay, and Doc said I should ticksay tiay puay ymay sasay, and it was at this tense moment that Tycho chose to initiate vigorous and vocal sex with a Semper Augustus. A Semper Augustus is a kind of tulip whose petals look like marbled steak and which costs ten thousand dollars a bulb.

Also, when a saluki fucks one, it makes a noise like cleaning a window with a squeegee.

—

It was to distract Doc from some kind of precipitate overreaction vis à vis Mrs. Van der Zee that I went to Sharkey and said to find us a project.

“Hi Sharkey it’s me Jack!”

“Holy FUCK—”

“Sharkey! Wash your mouth out with your bad language.”

“Fuck, Jack, you scared the shit out of me no one is supposed to be in here right now.”

“Sharkey. We are professional men. Let us profess as men do.”

“…Jesus fuck okay sit the fuck down.”

I sit.

Sharkey says: “(Fuck.)”

Sharkey is a middleman. Globally speaking, Sharkey is The Middleman. He is an unprepossessing sort of asshole with a girlfriend called Crystal, which is pronounced like the champagne, although I know for a fact that her real name is Isabel and she comes from a town on the riviera with only one cow. I like Crystal. She is just trying to get along is what. I do not like Sharkey he is a dick. I would much prefer to deal with Crystal but that is business for you, quite often you have to deal with the dick rather than the Crystal.