The second thing that happened was that Joe Johnstone and Ole Kirk Christiansen got together, at least spiritually. Joe was the designer on a popular movie you may have heard of named Star Wars and Ole was the guy who invented Lego, and in these great modern days it is possible to make a 1:1 model of the Millennium Falcon out of tiny plastic bricks. The schematic was created by a team of Danish enthusiasts who inevitably know Mr. Friday, and the model requires a total of thirteen million seven hundred and eighty-nine thousand eight hundred and twenty-one Lego pieces and costs a little over three million Swiss francs because there’s no bulk discount although delivery on orders over seventy-five francs is free so there’s that. There is a great deal of debate in the giant construction nerd community (which is global and very large) about the precise Pantone for the seat covers but by and large the end product is thought to be acceptable and the kid whom we have hereto known as Evil Hansel asked his grandfather for one and Hans Eiger said: Are you out of your tiny homicidal mind, and junior said no I am not this is a thing that I must do to become a man, and senior said work on your knife throwing and then we shall see, and then Hans Eiger went away and told all his man friends of this hilarious request and Evil Hansel was shamed.

People I tell you do not shame the pre-tween assassin you have made it is a bad plan because then when it turns out you fucked a chicken in a public place…Why then su Hansel mi Hansel, if you get my drift.

So a little while back I went to the arcade and we blew up the Death Star together I said to Evil Hansel given all that I had made him cry by calling him a Nazi and given his grandfather was right now up to his ballsack in French Nazis and that must be causing some nine-year-old cognitive dissonance and from that trap there is really only one way out: how about he would kill his grandfather in the back of the head with an oyster knife and he said:

“I cannot give you what you want.”

And I said that is fine because I do not want you to give it to me, I wish to pay for it or if you find that mercenary you will give it to me as a present and I will give you a present of equal scale just name your present.

And when I said present like that I saw it in his eyes.