“Do not worry Mr. Price I know this was not you it is an aspect of our geology here. From time to time there is a movement in the earth and the strata of rock change. Yesterday there was water in my basement that was the wrong kind of water. So I moved my furniture out into the street and went to stay with friends and last night my house exploded.”

“It did.”

“O yes. Superheated steam from the bowels of the planet. It is invigorating. We will build a new house at the end of the road and put my furniture in it. That is Iceland. It is how we do. Oh hoho hohohoh. What can I do for you?”

“I am seeking your wisdom Mr. Friday.”

“I am happy to offer professional help of course.”

“Aw that is very sweet. I miss you guys also.”

“It is a form of words Mr. Price you are not absolutely at the top of our list of preferred customers on account that you are a fissure in the strata of society and also a bad egg.”

“I—wait—a bad egg?”

“Indeed.”

“A bad egg.”

“Yes Mr. Price.”

“O well excuse me the Duchess of Croquet called and I believe she would like her idiom back.”

“…Now inexplicably I feel remorse. Oh very well. Come and we will walk to my new house.”

We walk to Friday’s new house. It is also a hole in the ground but it is not smoking and there are people doing things that look like things that will make a house happen quite soon.

“What do you need Mr. Price?”

“I need to find a programmer. In Switzerland.”

(Obviously you do not list the precise name and address of the programmer of your fortress for exactly this reason but there is a limited number of firms operating in Switzerland who handle this kind of work and programmers are not in general humble monkish types they are programmers and that means they are a kind of artist whose art winkies are so engorged that they require canvases costing millions of euros. Every programmer is waiting for a Great Pyramid.)

Mr. Friday says that he will not help me hurt anyone.

I say that I am not going to hurt the programmer all I want is to have a perfectly nice conversation.

“Why do you want this information Mr. Price?”

“Aw Mr. Friday I wish you would not ask me that or if I would tell you that would have to be you know just between friends.”

“We are not friends Mr. Price.”

“We’re not but all the same man we got history is what. Like deep history.”

“Horrible history.”

“Yeah but Mr. Friday in this world you know sometimes that is the most reassuring kind.”

“…that is both true and appalling.”

“Yeah well I’m an artist now.”

“You are?”

“Yes I am known as Banjo Telemark—”