The Zebedee is a luxury hotel and also a festival of Daliesque architectural batshit whose website features a digital composite image of that woman from the American Gothic picture holding a board meeting with men in episcopal purple one of whom has the head of a snail. For some reason I cannot place at all it is very clear they are all about to have sex and they will then all die of her appalling children hatching from their heads. The presence of this image is never explained and probably never should be but I just totally wanted to stay there. I even created Jack Mahboubian as a bespoke Zebedee-friendly cover identity because Persian New Zealand casino entrepreneurs are exactly the kind of person you can imagine staying at the Zebedee. Mozart is also staying at the Zebedee and in fact she is even more appropriate to the place than Jack Mahboubian, and several of the weird naked rock-climbing videos and collage art pieces viewable in the bar area look like she could be in them.

“Hi hi the room is lovely I am a particular fan of the box jellyfish tank are they defanged in some way?”

“No Mr. Mahboubian they are authentic but the tank is sealed and made from surplus space shuttle glass so it is perfectly safe.”

“O that is excellent are they also for sale?”

“A local artisan Mr. Mahboubian I will get you his details—”

“O thank you thank you and a more trivial and banal request I am visiting the Emerald Trade Center today by I wish very much to eat ajiaco can you recommend a few places that might be convenient to the location?”

“O of course—”

Short list.

“Hi Jack Mahboubian hi I hear you have the best—no the BEST ajiaco in town I read where it is mmmMMM! Can I get a little—I am having a party for my investors could I—thank you so much—”

Except that half the time I am doing all that in Spanish because yes I speak Spanish of course I fucking do it is the one of the world’s languages plus also did I say COFFEE yes I did.

And yes of course they can help me out and little by little it goes:

“Well of course my friend was in here like a couple months back very sophisticated guy excellent taste looks like—maybe you remember—O well never mind—”

—never mind never—

—never mind—

—never—

“O you do?”

“Yes I think I do was a French guy maybe?”

“Yes of course he was now he told me—he told me you were super-duper expensive—”

“No of course we are not! Did he really—”